Mistake by the Lake Sporting Times

We don't care if football season is long over and the draft still weeks away. Our devotion to the gold and black runs deeper than any calendar! After that crushing, humiliating, emphatic, embarassing, crushing loss in the AFC championship game that surely made all of our fellow Steeler fans pee in their pants repeatedly, we're eager to drown out our misery. And what better way to do it than with a very special off-season edition of Born and Raised... 'n dat? Yinz won't find coverage like this anywhere else! Yinz, I say!

Play of the Week

Alex says: Seeing as that the season has been over for some time, I've been watching a lot of ESPN Classic: "22 seconds remaining... and Bradshaw is back and looking again... Bradshaw running out of the pocket, looking for someone to throw to... fires it down field... and there's a collision... it's caught out of the air!!!"

Corey says: I have it on good authority that even though the Steelers aren't playing any official games this time of year, Ben Roethlisberger still found time to throw a touchdown pass to Hines Ward in the corner of the endzone the other day. The best part was when he evaded 14 tackles, rescued three drowning orphans, faked out the defense, composed a string quartet in E minor, cured cancer, then threw a bullet pass to a diving Ward with 0:00 left on the clock, to win the game by a thousand!

Player of the Week

Alex says: I think I have to go with Hines Ward, because he's such a great blocker. Every time you see that Bus driving up the field, you just know that Hines set it up. Oh wait, I change my mind! I gotta go with The Bus, Jerome Bettis. Because when you hit The Bus up high, you're not a tackler, you're a passenger! Just turn the ignition, and this Bus is making no stops... until the ENDZONE!

Corey says: I have to go with Joey Porter, for being such a class act and the greatest linebacker to grace the Earth since Jack Lambert. Sometimes, when I'm feeling angry and alone, I just think, "What would Joey do?" and life suddenly seems a little bit more worth living.

Mike Schneck Honorary Special Teams Moment of the Week

Alex says: I choose Antwaan Randle El because he is, without a doubt, the most underrated player in professional sports right now. I don't care what the nerds at Football Outsiders say about his punt returning, he is simply the most electrifying player in the National Football League. It's been scientifically proven that when Antwaan gets the ball, yinz can't stop him!

Corey says: Well, even though our beloved punter appears to have left his best days behind him--about twelve months behind him, in fact--he still gets my vote for the MSHSTMOTW. For what, exactly, I'm not sure, but let's all down a pint of ketchup in honor of the late, great Chris Gardocki!

Obscure Steeler of the Week

Alex says: Special teamer/wide receiver Sean Morey wins for having the most interesting backstory on the team. His wife, Cara, is a defender for the Brampton Thunder of the Women's Hockey League. His father, Dennis, is a lobsterman. His brother, Dean, a fisherman. During the offseason Sean and his family live in Dorset, Ontario (3 hours north of Toronto) where he trains by "chopping wood and running in the snow." Plus, he went to an Ivy League school.

Corey says: I choose #56, backup center Chukky Okobi. "Chukky", which is short for Chukwunweze (no joke), is now a five-year veteran out of Purdue. He enjoys reading, swimming, long walks on the beach, and donuts with jimmies on them.

Fashion of the Week

Alex says: It's got to be the #51 "FARRIOR". In 2004, James tied for 2nd in the AFC with 3 fumble recoveries! He just has a tremendous football nose for the football. He always is around when the football is loose. He's just a tremendous football player.

Corey says: How about the home-black #43 "POLAMALU"? The best part about this jersey is that, with a doofy hairstyle, you can't read the name on the back, which makes it harder for opposing offenses to know who you are, or something. Unless they know you from the hairstyle. Hm.

Cheater of the Week

Alex says: I have to go with the NFL league office, for holding back the Steelers. Obviously the refs were paid off before the start of the AFC Championship game. It's the only way to explain these outrageous quotes from the NFL.com wire reports:

Tom Brady and Bill Belichick were an unbeatable combination again for the Patriots, exposing all of the Steelers' weaknesses to end their 15-game winning streak.... Brady gave the inexperienced Ben Roethlisberger a lesson in quarterbacking a championship game.... Belichick upstaged can't-win-the-big-one Steelers coach Bill Cowher....

Corey says: It's those damn Browns fans. They're so much more passionate, intelligent, loyal, and good-looking than us, it's just not fair! We Steelers fans know that the key to being a good fan is waving a dirty towel around over your head, and talking like an idiot 'n dat. Anyone who doesn't realize this is a cheater in my book.

Next week: Don't get your hopes up.

During these past few weeks of turmoil and losing for the Cavaliers, a lot of explanations have been offered up by "experts", "writers" or even "self-serving blogging know-it-alls". But there is one thing about this team that everybody would agree on: LeBron James is freakin' awesome.

To save a little of your (and my own) time, I won't expound on LeBron's amazing skills and likability. But rest assured, it's there. That is why the Cavaliers front office must open their eyes to unorthodox scenarios. Like it or not, the best way to take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity is to act fast!

TRADE LEBRON JAMES NOW! I know this seems counterintuitive at first, but LeBron's trade value is as high now as it has ever been! Other GMs probably think that he could walk on water at this point. In other words, there will never be a better day to cash in The Chosen One. Jim Paxson has to prove to the fans of Cleveland and his new bosses that he's not some fuddy-duddy, old-fashioned GM; that he's willing to think outside the box and be creative. So with nothing but the Cavs' best interests in mind, here are a few deals that we think would really be steals for the Cavaliers, and I think the other teams involved could really buy into them too.

LeBron to San Antonio for Bruce Bowen and a a 2nd-round pick

What have been the Cavs' two most glaring problems this season? Three-point shooting and defense. Bowen is both a great 3-point shooter and defender--things LeBron is still working on. Most importantly, he has the veteran experience and playoff success that the Cavs need more than anything. Plus, it's not like the Spurs are going anywhere anytime soon, so that draft pick would be likely to yield some serious sugar.

LeBron to Detroit for Darko Milicic

This is perhaps the most obvious deal. It would make so much sense for the Cavaliers. Think about it. Championships won: Darko 1, LeBron 0. Percentage of years played in which a championship was won: Darko 100%, LeBron 0%. Plus, they were drafted in more or less the same position, so the salaries ought to match up and stuff. Plus, Darko is younger.

LeBron to Portland for Darius Miles and Richie Frahm

DMiles is still a great athlete, and I have a pretty good hunch he'll learn a jumpshot during the off-season and be unleashed on the rest of the NBA in 2005-2006. This trade would have the added value of making sure that LeBron goes to the Western Conference, where the Cavs won't have to compete against him. Not that he'll stand a chance against the power duo of Miles and Frahm.

LeBron and Anderson Varejao to New Jersey for Vince Carter

Vinsanity would almost certainly be double-reborn in Cleveland as the league's new, old, new superstar. But of all the compelling reasons to make this trade, perhaps the biggest is the fact that Carter, unlike James, has a college degree, so he is almost certainly smarter than LeBron. Same goes for Varejao, too. I mean, who even knows what kind of crazy stuff he learned while in Tasmania, or wherever?

Now remember, these are just suggestions, and I haven't worked out the salary-cap numbers yet. But don't be surprised if Jim Paxson calls a press conference soon. I wish the best of luck to LeBron in the future, just not in Cleveland. While some "fans" might bemoan that we'd be losing a great player--just be happy we won't have to suffer through LeBron's decline and then even possibly see him walk with no compensation.

The World's Greatest Mascot and his new trainee

Much is being said about the Indians' offseason. "Mark Shapiro added valuable depth." "He added veteran leadership." "The team couldn't afford any good free agents." One thing most everyone can agree on is that the Indians will contend in 2005. I'm here to tell you that's not going to happen. Consider this: the Indians are dead last in the American League in the one stat that matters: winning.

No, it's not quite what you're thinking, but hear me out. When people try to predict the baseball season, they presumably make guesses based on previously established track records. And the fact of the matter is, the Indians, more than any other team in the AL, have a track record of not winning any World Series rings. Take a look:

         WS rings among the players
           on the current roster
Yankees            24
Red Sox            23
Angels             15
Rangers             4
Orioles             3
Tigers              3
White Sox           3
Blue Jays           2
Mariners            2
Athletics           1
Royals              1
Twins               1
Devil Rays          0*
Indians             0

*The Devil Rays have 3 if you count Lou Piniella

Now, how in the world are the Indians supposed to contend for a World Series title if not a single man among them has any experience in doing so? For example, say what you will about the Blue Jays' chances in the East, but with guys like Miguel Batista and Gregg Zaun on their roster--proven winners--they will always have a shot.

Mark Shapiro has made a couple of shrewd moves this winter, but he failed to make the one move that would have meant it all for this franchise: picking up a proven winner. Now we will have to bow our heads and pray that a Scott Spiezio, a Tony Womack, or even a Greg Colbrunn becomes available at the trading deadline. Me? I'm not getting my hopes up.