1. When you are a pedestrian crossing any street, especially not at a crosswalk and especially in any third world country, do not walk.... run like hell.
2. When passing any person on the street who, in one way or another, wants your money (salesperson, homeless person, etc.) the first most critical rule to walking away financially unscathed is: do not make eye contact. If you look at them, they'll speak up, or speak louder and obstruct your way. Eye contact lets them know you acknowledged their existence. Do not look down at the ground, but rather fix your eyes at a point just above and behind the person in question. They are a tree, a fire hydrant, any other obstruction. To be walked around, not to be acknowledged.
3. If you break #2 and make eye contact, do not talk. They will argue with you. They will plead. Generally, if you stop and talk, your a goner and whatever change or money you have, or at best, time will be given as a "please go away and leave me alone" toll. They will pester you until you surrender. You will never convince them. Do not try.
4. If you break #3, your probably screwed out of some of your money anyway. But if you did open your stupid mouth, try and end it. Heck, just walk away, leaving them talking. Nothing obligates you to listen to their spiel, even after talking to them. Just walk away. Be a rude son-of-a-bitch. But you'll be a rude son-of-a-bitch who still has all his money.
5. You pay for everything, with money or not. There is always a catch. There are always exceptions. Visit your local dealer to learn rules and exemptions. If you saved yourself $400 on airfare, you will pay with a redeye. There is no such thing as a free lunch. It is up to you to make a cost benefit analysis. Does your sanity mean more to you, or your money? You decide.
6. As a pedestrian, you should stand in awe and respect of the car. It is bigger than you. It is faster than you. It can kill you. Would you walk placidly in front of a speeding bullet? No? THEN DON'T WALK ACROSS A BUSY INTERSECTION SMELLING THE FRIGGIN ROSES THE WHOLE WAY EXPECTING THE CARS TO STOP FOR YOUR SLOW PEDESTRIAN ASS!
7. General rule of life, but specifically of car driving. If the other guy did it, you stand a pretty decent chance of getting away with it too. Speeding? Sure. Going the wrong way? Certainly! Just don't do it alone.
8. Don't be a tourist. Mind you, there are two classes of leisure travelers:
   • The tourist. Don't be this.
   • The traveler. Try and be this. For your own sake.
   (Author's note: More on what makes a tourist or a traveler will be covered in a upcoming section, whose current working title is "How not to be a typical stupid American on your voyage abroad.")
9. The natives are always out to get you. Wherever you go, be it another city, another country, another state, or another world, the people there will think you're there for their financial gain, amusement benefit, or both. Be wary.
10. Remember, don't mess with the police, and don't give them lip. Yes, you have rights, but they can still make your life hell without violating those rights (much). Your "rights as a citizen" won't seem all that important when they throw you in jail for a wonderful romantic evening spent with Bubba, your cell mate.