Les Miséables, Updated for the New Milennium Andrew, Chris and I have decided that we should recast Les Misérables for the new milennium. After long, hard thinking, we have come up with our choices. We hope that you will be impressed with them. William Shatner as Jean Valjean - "Who....... am I..... *shudder* I'm.... 2!..... *exaggerated hand motion* 4!..... *falls to the floor* 6!..... *gets up with a flourish* 0!...... *smacks into the barricade* 1!......... *freezes with ass in the air* ..... My.... little.... friends..... my...... small........... friends!" John Moschitta as Javert - For those of you who don't know, John Moschitta is the fast-taking guy on the Micro Machine commercials. I don't know about you, I want to hear the beautiful ballad, "Stars," sung at 120 words a minute. Bob Dylan as Fantine - More than anything, we wanted to spite Janssen with this one. And, we wanted to hear Bob Dylan sing, "I dreeeeeeeeeamed a dreeeeeeeam! That everybody got stoooooooooned!" Ben Stein as Thenárdier - We're just there for the experience of hearing "Master Of The House" sung in monotone, interspersed with inquiries of, "Bueller...?..... Bueller?...." The transvestite waitress from Lucky Cheng's as Madame Thenárdier - Cause she's got sass, spunk, and looks better in a dress than I do. Christopher Walken as Eponine - We have no idea why we want this done, we just needed Christopher Walken in our cast somehow. Weird Al Yankovic as Cosette - Assuming he keeps the silly curls, he's got pretty much the same hair as Cosette; plus, I want to see him bust out with the accordion and the plaid pants on "One Day More." Zorak as Enjolras - Cause he's badass enough to fight off the entire national guard, and eat them. And then he'd eat all the rebels at the barricade. And then he'd turn to the audience, and say, "You are an ugly audience, I hate you all." back to thoughts home