On Rape "The guy who put his hands on you has got nothing to do with me, and the bruises that you feel will heal, and I hope you come around, cause we're missing you" ~ Third Eye Blind "The stigma attached to those who assert themselves when it comes to sexual assault, whether they are men or women, is so strong that it makes me question the roots of such stigmatization. Rape and other forms of sexual assault cannot and should not be so ingrained in our culture that it is socially acceptable to the point where it can be brushed off with a single condescending roll of the eyes. Survivors of sexual assault who refuse to remain victimized are not given support in our society, but rather they are stigmatized as a group of angry lesbians who have nothing better to do than bitch about the inherent uselessness of their male counterparts." ~ Lisa Alsan, from the Washington Square News No doubt, I will draw much fire from people who read this who go to NYU for quoting the Washington Square News. Now, I don't consider the WSN (our on-campus publication, our "school newspaper," if you will) the bastion of good journalism, but occasionally there will be little gems of good writing that I will agree with and even need to quote. Ms. Aslan's articles was one of these. As shown by the quote above, there was apparently an anti-sexual assault rally at NYU. I'll admit it, I wasn't there. I had plans to eat dinner with Dani, Andrew and Janssen that coincided with the rally. Despite my absence, however, I totally support the cause. Sadly, many of my fellow students are not. There seems to be this stereotype of the feminist that I have pointed out in my past entries: that of the belligerent, embittered, jaded man-hater. Granted, I've met a few of these at NYU. But just because they so violently oppose what they perceive as a patriarchal, hegemonist society does not automatically render their opinions or views totally false. These women need to be informed, of course, that not all men are rapists -- but despite their misguided, flawed views, their devotion to the anti-sexual assault cause does not discount the problem of sexual assault. Rape is real, sexual assault is real. They happen to women of all ages and backgrounds, who hang out in all kinds of places, who dress in all sorts of ways. They even happen to men as well. They are detrimental forces that contribute to the deterioration of a society by contributing to the fear of its citizens. There is another more detrimental force at work, however: the attitude that society holds toward women who have been sexually attacked, and even worse, those who want to make sure that it never happens again. Rape victims, for the most part, gain sympathy. Most people are intelligent enough to realize that "yes" means "yes," "no" means "no," and that not only did the perpetrator of the crime disrespect these boundaries, but clearly shot them to hell. Most people, additionally, get up in arms when the crime happens to their daughter, their wife, their mother, their sister, their friend. Unfortunately, people live in a bubble. If it happens to someone they know, it's a tragedy; if it happens to others, it's a statistic. The father who hears that his daughter has been raped will very likely feel his blood boil and will feel like killing his daughter's rapist. At the very least, he'll call the police. The same father will hear of another rape, in another part of the country, and will instead become a well-meaning person who will offer well-intentioned solutions of how the victim could have prevented the rape. Perhaps not walking in the dark alley, perhaps not getting drunk, or not wearing that short skirt that night. There is perhaps sympathy involved, perhaps fear, but very rarely is there anger. The well-intentioned bits of advice, in addition, have faint suggestions that the victim had a hand in the crime that was committed. Of course, avoiding certain places at night, not dressing provocatively, is common sense. But should we give these as reasons that the rape happened? Why not blame the rapist for his (or even her) selfish, sick tendencies that would drive him (or her) to force himself (or herself) on another human being? Why not blame the perpetrator's basic lack of respect and the fact that the perpetrator sees the victim as a piece of ass, not a person? Should a young lady not have the right to dress the way she wants and to stand and walk where she chooses without fear of sexual attack? Sure, there's a good chance I might get raped if I'm walking alone through New York streets at 4 am -- but isn't it a sign of how very messed up society is if I walk around expecting people to attack me? Most people don't leave their houses expecting people to murder them, why should women do the same with sexual attack? Sadly, the people who try to help ensure that these attacks to do not continue are often the subject of derision and mocking. Very often, they're survivors of an attack, or multiple ones, who have become embittered toward men in general. As a result, they're belligerent, aggressive, and even scary, which by nature turns people off to their cause. This is indeed sad, considering the noble roots and intentions of their desired aim. What is more, people tend to live sheltered lives; they live inside their bubbles with the assumption that bad things can never happen to them, or that bad things are irrelevant unless it applies to them. In between scary, pugnacious feminists and sheltered upbringing, these reasons are why even young women, who are probably at the highest risk for rape and sexual attack, are turned off by anti-sexual assault campaigners. Young men who believe that they are being unfairly branded as rapists are naturally turned off as well. But even despite constant bitchery, and despite the fact that most people, let alone college students, live in a friggin' bubble, is it right to paint the anti-rape activists as senseless malcontents whose complaints have no basis in reality? This kind of divisive, defensive attitude held by both activists and onlookers alike only delays the activist's goal from being met. The onlookers, however, need to take steps to educate themselves before it happens to someone they love, and see all rape and sexual assault as a plague on society, not a mere accident of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, no matter who it may happen to. Furthermore, activists need to temper their stance and look for creative solutions in order to win more people to their side, while it is the responsibility of those who to not choose to campaign fervently to pass the message onto the next generation that rape is an untolerable, atrocious crime. back to thoughts home