Career Woman and Mother: Not Mutually Exclusive I was reading Time Magazine, and there was an article there about the increasing "epidemic" of childlessness among professional women. (i.e., women who hold high degrees in law, medicine, education, etc.) See, people have this idea (not totally untrue, I might add) that women have to postpone childbearing in order to establish their careers. But it takes them twenty years to move up the proverbial corporate ladder, so a lot of women who have excellent, well-founded careers are in their forties or fifties when it happens. They then realize that they want children. Unfortunately, the miscarriage rate for women 35-41 is 18%. By a woman's early forties, it's 36%. By age 42, 90% of a woman's eggs are chromosomally abnormal. And perhaps the most scary news of all: a woman's fertility starts to decline by the time she reaches the age of 27. So, theoretically, it's not a bad idea for career women in their mid-twenties who "want it all" (marriage, career, family) to start screwing like jackrabbits. After all, they might regret it later, when they're at the top of the world career-wise but realize that they want children and can't have any. It's a legitimate concern. It is also truly a tragedy that these women, who have achieved so much of what they want, have been robbed of the opportunity to be mothers by the forces of time and biology. But why does no one notice the women who have gone through years of education, spent much time and money going through college and graduate school, and then felt the pressure to give up their careers because they were told that they would regret not "being there" for their children, or for the simple reason that their husbands are ambitious men and need their wives' support in their own careers? The answer is quite simple: even in a society such as ours, there is still a conception that women are first and foremost nurturers, and while they should have careers, their primary duty is to their children. A number of societal notions also exist that also make women unnecessarily pressured to either put off or completely give up their careers: the concept that a woman who does not have children cannot possibly be complete, the concept of the male breadwinner, the concept that the workforce is still a "man's" world, the concept that a man who puts off his career to devote his time to his family is fulfilling his "proper" role in the family (see, society can be as hostile towards men as it is to women). The stereotype of the "career woman" -- the woman who decided to have kids but can't give up the career she loves so much, so she lavishes her children with gifts in order to make up for her absence -- make newly married women who are planning their families balk at the thought of being such a distant bitch. And many of the people in power (sorry to say, mostly men) just don't accept the fact that women can be mothers and professionals at the same time. There's also practicality. Real-life factors that make life unnecessarily difficult for a woman to juggle both a career (especially such intensive ones as those in the medical or legal professions) and family at the same time. Au pairs are expensive and the day care industry can be too; or else it just sucks. At the risk of being called a socialist, I affirm that the lack of child care benefits for working women make these women decide that this juggling act simply isn't worth it -- especially if her husband makes enough money that she can stay at home. And though I'm going to get in a lot of trouble for saying this, many businesses immediately fire women who are on maternity leave. They justify loss of capital as a reason to let these women off. (This is blatant hypocrisy; when members of the national guard were called out on 9/11, there was a huge public outcry over the businesses that wanted to fire them, and they'd probably be away from work a hell of a lot longer than a woman on maternity leave would be.) Women whose families criticize them for being irresponsible, absentee mothers can suffer from emotional problems and profound guilt, which would most likely influence them to leave the careers they love. First, I think that I should point out how glaringly untrue the "career woman" stereotype is. I was raised by one. Most of my friends were. Actually, I didn't encounter the "career woman" stereotype until I'd reached college and I'd heard guys and girls alike say disparaging things about friends' moms who'd had careers and ignored their kids. (Curious, considering that this is NYU, 60% female, and the guys who are here are likely to date and marry girls who are serious about the professional path they have chosen.) Anyway, my mother never ignored me or my brother. My mother was (and is) a veritable superwoman. She is a respiratory therapist. She's one of the most capable in her field. She knows chemistry and physics like I never have or ever will. She doesn't balk at the sight of blood. She works twelve-hour days, gets the bills paid on time, and still has time to put sumptuous dinners on the table, keep the house immaculate (I'm not kidding... immaculate. Ask my boyfriend), and know just about everything that's going on with my life. I do not resent her for not staying home with me -- I applaud her. Her decision to hold a career, although done out of necessity (you've gotta get stuff paid somehow) is one that I am eternally grateful for. Because of that, I am independent and self-starting. Moreover, I am in awe of women who hold careers and have families at the same time, because I knew it was hella hard for her. Second, I think it's not only wrong, but detrimental to society as a whole, to deny women the same career mobility as men just because they want children and don't want to wait till they're in their forties or fifties. Women make up the majority of the university population in America (with the exception of the Ivy League universities, military academies, and all-male schools such as Wabash and Morehouse, universities are predominantly female). They're attaining educations in greater numbers than they ever have in history. They're gaining degrees in droves. The majority of them are in college for a reason -- because they're intelligent, talented, motivated people who would ultimately benefit society. There is no reason that we should cut off such individuals from contributing their talents to the betterment of society as a whole. They can contribute not only as professionals -- but as parents as well. I don't belittle, berate, or blame women who have decided to stay home with their children. Raising kids is a difficult task (but, as I've heard, an ultimately rewarding one). Many women have found happiness as homemakers; many homemakers will tell you that it is a career in and of itself, and I certainly don't want to force them into the job market if they don't want to enter it. I think a mother should be there for her children. But why shouldn't a father be, as well? Society is quick to blame career women for neglecting their children; why not the child's father, who helped in the process of creating the child, and therefore has a responsibility to that child as much as the mother does? Parenting, as well as marriage, is a two-person operation. It can only work if both sides are working towards a mutual goal, and if both sides are free to pursue what makes them happy. If the pursuit of a profession makes the woman happy, both sides should try their best to accomodate that. And, because it "takes a village to raise a child," I also believe that society should be more accomodating of women who wish to have both a family and a professional life. We must not send the subtle message to the next generation that professional advancement is out of the reach of women who wish to raise a family. Reality dictates that women aren't climbing the corporate ladder as fast as men do because of their children and their familial obligations. But should we accept this status quo? What exactly makes young women think that they have to, or even should, put off their childbearing for their careers, or vice versa? In the end, enforcing this notion would not only lead to dissatisfied housewives and dissatisfied career women alike, but to a society that is all the worse for having such a notion: the job market will have lost some of its most brilliant, productive minds because of the women who dropped out of it, and the career women who could not bear children will feel listless, useless, and like less of women for not being able to fulfill their maternal instincts, simply because when they were young, they were told that they had to wait to have children if they wanted good careers. back to thoughts home