OH TANNENBAUM!

By CHRIS BUNTING

December 12, 2006 --  IF you never thought to use “jolly” and “Germans” in the same sentence, you’ve gravely underestimated the Teutons' lust for Christmas (they did dedicate an entire song to the tree, for God's sakes!).

        Germany basically invented the festive way we celebrate Christmas -- their over-the-top Christkindlmarkts (Christkindl = Christ child, a. k. a. Jesus -- sorry, Nietzsche), held in nearly every city during the month-long period of the Advent, make even Oktoberfest seem sober.

        Here, 5 of our favorite to get your Lebkuchen (gingerbread cookie) fix.
        
        DUSSELDORF
        At the center of Dusseldorf’s carnival-ish Christmas scene are hundreds upon hundreds of huts. The spruce-made ones on Schadowplatz can be smelled from blocks away, while those on Schadowstrasse sell oversized Santa caps and wooden carvings, and the bright red huts on Marktplatz (where you’ll also find a baby Jesus carved out of olive wood) match the mulled wine that’s chugged like beer was two months prior. Skating on the Vodafone Ko ice rink - between the old town and “the Ko” (Konigsallee shopping strip) - is free, and open to one and alles until Jan. 3.

        When: Now until Dec. 23
        Info: www.duesseldorf-weihnachtsmarkt.de
        
        PASSAU
        Home to a famed threesome of rivers - the Inn, the Danube and the Ilz - Passau is also where you’ll find St. Stephen’s Cathedral which, up until L.A.’s First Congregational Church had to go and expand theirs in 1994, owned the world’s largest church organ. And Stephen’s bishop isn’t hesitant to show it off. Not surprisingly, the organ serves as the centerpiece to the city’s Christkindlmarkt, but outside you’ll find a full range of touring options, from river boat sailings down the Danube (a good way to appreciate the city’s Italian baroque architecture), to the Christmas Market Express train, which locomotes through the pedestrian zone and old town. Living mangers and other modern takes on the classic nativity scene are definitely worth a stop.

        When: Now until Dec. 23
        Info: passauer-christkindlmarkt.de
        
        ROTHENBURG
        Beyond the sausage- and cabbage-monopolized German diet lies its dirty little holiday secret: Schneeballs (“snowballs”), which are gobs of dough, sweetened and fried, cast in powdered sugar or chocolate. They’ve been perfected in the nearly-carless Rothenburg ob der Tauber, a medieval Bavarian city still whose many walls have protected its Gothic soul over the centuries. Reiterlesmarkt, marked by puppet shows, brass band concerts and torch walks, is named for a Grim Reaper-like Tuetonic God once said to ride into town on horseback, reaping the souls of the dead. When Germany finally found a homeboy in Jesus during the Roman Empire, the macabre rider was reborn in myths more cheerfully as a gift-giver.

        When: Dec. 23 - Jan. 12
        Info: www.rothenburg.de
        
        COLOGNE
        Behold -- der uber-Tanenbaum! The market in Roncalliplatz is where you’ll find the Rhineland’s largest Christmas tree (a 78-foot-tall fir) feasting on megawatt after megawatt to keep its umpteenth lights aflame - it’s extravagance no small feat considering the city hosts at least seven other Christmas markets. Neumarkt has oldschool stands where shoppers imbibe mugs of Kolsch (top-fermented) beer, which make the clowns outside the Chocolate Museum seem even more entertaining. The biggest draw, however, is the floating Christmas market on the MS Wappen, anchored at the Rheinpromenade. Besides the 40 stalls onboard, captain Santa reads fairy tales to captive children each afternoon.

        When: Until Dec. 23
        Info: www.koeln.de
        
        ULM
        In the hometown of Albert Einstein rises the tallest church spiral in the world (528 feet up, p.s.) atop Ulm Cathedral - ground zero for the city’s yuletide madness. Around the church (on Munsterplatz) you’ll find living nativity scenes (including the sheep), 120 stalls, and concert recitals every day at 5 p. m. Fan-favorite performances in the square are the Snow Queen and Handel's Messiah. But there’s plenty else to see and do around town, like ballet at the Ulm theater, or visiting one of several museum exhibits (the Museum of Bread Culture is more fun than it sounds)

        When: Until Dec. 22
        Info: www.tourismus.ulm.de
       

Oh tannenbaum [NYP]