Who're you?
My full name is Daniel Alejandro González Naranjo. People call me Dan.
Yeah, but who are you?
I'm a pirate. I'm also a knight. Some have suggested this makes me a nitrate (knight+piRATE). Ha ha. Real funny. I'm Mexican. I'm also Ecuadorian. Some have suggested that makes me a Mexican-Ecuadorian. That does sound about right. I used to work for the United Nations. I like economics. I also like drums and drumming. I further enjoy making awesome websites.
What do you do?
I am currently studying graduate economics at New York University. Before I worked for the United Nations Children's Fund (Unicef) and for the United Nations Development Programme (UNDP) in the area of HIV/AIDS in Dili, Timor-Leste. I graduated from the University of Pennsylvania in Philadelphia, PA in May 2004 with degrees in Economics and in Linguistics.
Where are you from?/Where were you before?
I'll make this extremely simple... for now. I have lived in the following places chronologically for at least one year:
- Mexico DF, Mexico (0-4, 5-6)
- Cambridge, United Kingdom (4-5)
- Brasilia, Brasil (6-8)
- Quito, Ecuador (8-9, 10-11, 14-18)
- Luanda, Angola (9-10)
- Managua, Nicaragua (11-14)
- Philadelphia, PA, USA (18-23)
- Dili, Timor-Leste (23-24)
- New York, NY, USA (24-present)
For a fuller treatment, see my travels page.
How many languages do you speak?
Four and a half. The four are: Spanish, English, Portuguese, and French. I learnt Portuguese in Brasil while I was in first grade. And I learnt French in the fourth grade, while I was in Angola, because there was no American or British school, and the next best was the French school. The half is actually two languages: I tried learning American Sign Language my freshman year at Penn, but now I remember maybe a couple dozen signs. While in Timor I started learning Tetum, but it's a pretty tough enterprise; I can only understand and participate in the most elementary of conversations.
So is your website awesome or what?
This is the next episode. My original site at Penn was almost entirely written from scratch in Notepad or Pico. It was an awesome feat. Unfortunately I wrote it in my pre-CSS, pre-XHTML days. Parts of this version look almost exactly the same, but I had to pretty much rewrite the entire underlying code. Thank God for find and replace! Yeah Dreameater! I mean... Dreamweaver.
So what the fudge is the deal with this FAQ thingy.
These are a bunch of stupid questions I get all the time and hate having to answer over and over. Well, there are also a bunch of questions that I never get, and should be getting, since my opinions on the subjects are the only ones that really matter. Hence the FAQ: Frequently Asked Questions. Maddox actually coined a new meaning for FAQ. Fat Ass Quotient.
What the fudge? What is a Fat Ass Quotient?
Maddox says Fat Ass Quotient is "the daily limit of how much time you spend on the internet multiplied by how much candy you eat while you sit around." So,
Technically this measurement would result in a FAQ of 0 for me, since I don't eat candy at all. Maybe this other formula would work better:
where t = time you spend on the internet, in minutes per day, s = sites you visit in that time, and r = number of current responsibilities you are avoiding. I should also point out that any time spent looking at or listening to material downloaded from the net while not engaging in any other productive behaviour also counts as t. I think it's a very useful tool... perhaps someone might be inspired to write a Firefox script that tallies your fat ass quotient?
Why is there a drumset in your room?/Do you play any instruments?
I play the drums. Mostly ska, but anything good. As a drummer I've toured the world three times: in '99, with Finally Peter Presume; summer of '02, with Giuliano Palma and the Bluebeaters; and with The Liquid Jig in '04.
Without the bull now.
Okay you got me. All right, all that stuff about touring was me being a little creative... chill but. But the part about The Liquid Jig is true, I was actually in that band back in 2003-2004. We even had a single, Burn me down, out in March 2004.
What does your father/mother/sister do?
My father works for Unicef in Dili, Timor-Leste; my mother works at her father's allergy clinic in Ecuador, Centro de Investigaciones Alérgicas; and my sister works in the University of Denver, Denver, CO.
What the fudge is Tsekub?/What is CHANOC?
Tsekub is a character of an old, discontinued, but very popular Mexican comic strip that ran when my father was a teenager, called CHANOC. He has a small recopilation of the strip, which he actually "borrowed" from his brother-in-law. At this point I, in turn, "borrowed" it from my dad. I have noted that the internet is ridiculously scarce on material on who Tsekub Baloyán, the handsome and intrepid godfather of Chanoc, was. So I decided to take the proverbial entrepreneurial plunge, and the summer of 2003 I scanned that little bastard into oblivion. So here is the first material on Chanoc and Tsekub this dumpster called the internet has ever seen. Enjoy! And donut forget to comment.
Uh... did you just say "donut"?
Yeah. Donut. From "Do" and "not". It's called a contraction. And I'm not talking about pregnancy.
Donuts are pastries.
No. DOUGHNUTS are pastries. Crazy Americans, learn to spell. Do me that favoUr, will you...
But you can't spell "don't" as "donut"...
Says who? Crazy Americans spell whatever way they want, what with their dropped u's, knots instead of noughts, and punctuation mishmash... hey, crazy Russians spell whatever way they want, heck, they even have the audacity to use a different script! Why can't I spell "don't" the way it really sounds?
Are you insane?
OK, OK, maybe I went a little too far. The origin of "donut" as "don't" is kind of obscure. It all started in a dank theatre (yes, THEATRE) in Luanda, Angola. In those small days of peace, cinemas re-opened their doors showing outdated but relevant movies. I watched "La Bamba" with my parents. It was extremely classic, and not just because it was about Ritchie Valens. It left me with the lasting memory of Ritchie and his brother being chatted up in an "I Love Lucy" show. They pretended not to know English, and read from a cheat sheet: "We eat donut." You could hear his brother saying, “No, no. Lee todo, lee todo.” So Ritchie says, with some difficulty, "We eat donut speak english." Ha ha ha!
Ha ha. What's your opinion on apples?
Apples are good food. They are ranked a "B" on my appetitive scale. What that means is that I like apples and thoroughly enjoy munching on them once in a while. However, I won't go out of my way for an apple. If I am not explicitly reminded or told that apples are here for the taking, I will usually pass them over for, say, chicken. And I get sick of apples pretty quickly; they are ranked "D" in my tolerance scale.
What the fudge? What's with these weird scales?
The appetitive scale assigns a grade to every type of food. If I would like to eat this type of food all the time, and don't ever get tired of it, it gets an "A+". If it sucks, it gets an "F". Similarly with the tolerance scale, which assigns a grade to food based on how much of it I can take before I get sick of it.
When I asked you what you thought about Apples, I meant Macintoshes.
Oh, why didn't you just say so. Apple used to rule. They were vastly superior to IBMs while I was growing up, and up to the introduction of Windows 95 in... 1995. Then they started sucking big time. First with that dumb circular mouse. What the heck was up with that. The lack of buttons on the mouse is also a big problem; one button really isn't enough. Web browsers tend to suck on Macs. The fact that you can't force absolutely ANYTHING on a Mac is also kind of a turnoff. Then there are a ton of other minor reasons Macs suck... for example, that stupid wannabe-taskbar, or the fact that you can't delete files by selecting them and pressing "del," or the mystery-meat red, yellow and green window buttons, in poor imitation of Windows'. OSX particularly blows because of the new interface, which completely abandons the Finder button and makes it absolutely impossible to switch between applications in any way that is not completely retarded. So now Apple sucks. Not that Windows DOESN'T suck--Windows still crashes too much and has bugs of her own. Before, though, there was clearly an inferior party and a superior one. Now both just suck about equally.
Speaking of things that suck, what's the worst movie of all time?
That would have to be “Terminal Mom”. I know I have definitely seen movies that are worse than this one, but this is the only one that sticks out in my mind very prominently when I think of a sucky movie. The others are just forgettable; this one sucked so much it actually stuck in my head, which you could argue is actually good... whatever. The plot sucked, the script sucked, the fact that murder was being satirized in such a grotesque, spectacularly revulsive and definitely un-funny way sucked. It was a horrible movie. Donut watch it.
What is a good movie to watch?
So many movies, so little time. These are the movies I have on DVD: Abre los Ojos, Amadeus, American Beauty, The Devil's Advocate, Go, The Shawshank Redemption,, Scent of a Woman, The Animatrix, Heathers, Donnie Darko, The Cutting Edge, Cruel Intentions, and Jesus Christ Superstar, The Terminator, The Mask, and Groundhog Day... if you really care that bad goto my media page.
What is a good book to read?
Some books rule, and some books suck. My favourite book of all time is Nineteen Eighty-Four. My favourite authors of all time are George Orwell, Jorge Luis Borges, and Chuck Palahniuk, in that order. My least favourite authors are Shakespeare, Twain, and Faulkner, with Faulkner by far the suckiest. As the saying goes, if you disagree with me, you are wrong.
What is a good music to hear?
Music is great, which is why there is an entire sub-site here, dedicated to music. Isn't that great? Now, when you don't have a clue what to listen to, you can just go to my music page and get that horrible doubt out of your mind!
But in case you are wondering, my favourite song of all time is "A Whiter Shade of Pale" by Procol Harum, and my favourite bands include No Doubt, Giuliano Palma and the Bluebeaters, The Cardigans... and many others.
What's your favourite quote?
That's a good question. I don't get it enough. There are so many quotes I like. It is hard to say. Here are two quotes I like at the moment:
"Lick it up, baby, lick... it... up." -Heathers
"Everything that's meant to happen, does... eventually." -American Beauty
For more pearls of wisdom such as these, go to the quotes page.
What is some good food to eat?
Mexican food is the mother of all foods; Mexican food has no mother. That's how good it is. Chinese food is also up there. In Philly there was a period of one year when I ate Chinese food at Yue Kee every day, cause Philly doesn't have a freaking decent Mexican cart/restaurant/cafeteria. In Timor I also ate Chinese food almost every day, cause the best restaurant in Dili is a Chinese restaurant called The New 88.
Then, you know, other food is also good, but not as good. Say, Moroccan food. That's pretty good. Japanese food is also quite good. The best Oriental restaurant in Philly is actually Malay; it's called Penang. Indian food is great. Indonesian food ain't bad either. Hell, food is good.
So... eat Chinese every day.
Yeah, it's cheap... and it's pretty good. Loaded with MSG, but pretty good. Besides, with Chinese food, you get a fortune cookie. And fortune cookies rule. Cause after eating it, you can read your fortune! And after you read it, you can play the CHINESE COOKIE TRUTH GAME!!!
What is the Chinese cookie truth game?
It is the most awesome game EVER INVENTED. You know why? Because it was invented by ME.
OK, here's what you do. The truthfulness of your fortune hinges on none other than the numbers on the back of the fortune. You know, the lucky numbers, lotto numbers, whatever numbers you find on the back, all those. In order to verify if the fortune is true, you must use some or all of the numbers, add or subtract, to reach the number 69. Yep you heard it. Or rather, read it. If you can reach this number, your fortune is true. If you can't, it's not. Simple as that.
Example: say you get 9, 12, 21, 36, 42, 5. So 12 + 36 + 42 = 90 - 21 = 69. Fun!!!
You can also calculate the Cookie Truth Factor with the numbers.
What is the Cookie Truth Factor?!
The Cookie Truth Factor, henceforth CTF, is the probability that the fortune is incorrect. I know this contradicts the above paragraph, but I make the rules, and that's just the way it is, so deal with it. You can calculate the CTF by taking the average of the REMAINING numbers. So, for the example above, 9 and 5 were the only two numbers not used: so, the CTF is a mere 7%. Pretty awesome huh?!?
Yeeeeeahhhhhh....
Oh shut up.
Are you a member of any clubs?
At Penn I was part of the International Affairs Association. The IAA organises Model UN Conferences and sends delegates to other schools' conferences. I've been to Yale's SCSY conference, Harvard's HNMUN Conference, and UVA's VICS Conference. I'm also member of Mex@Penn, the Mexican club at UPenn. I was the webmaster my sophomore year (2001-2002) and occupied that spot again my senior year (2003-2004).
Also at Penn, I co-founded the SARS club. The three founding members are Travis Rossman, Albert Kim and me. It's a great club because we all get to be sick with SARS together, so it's like a support group, but in addition we get the camaraderie associated with the Club. Sick? Depressed? Feel like coughing all over the place and sleeping instead of going to class? Join the SARS club!
In addition, we cofounded The Society. Members include “T-Slought” (a.k.a. Playboy), “D-Slout” (a.k.a. Fresh), “A-Sloot”, “Junvenile”, “M-Slizzle Maahizle”, “J-Mo”, “S-Spank Me”, “A-Slippery”, “N-Slickosan”, and “J-Lo Moe”.
In Timor, I was one of the founding members of the IAW, the International Association of Weirdos. Needless to say, the club only accepts certifiably weird people. We possess venerated traditions and an awesomely weird charter that changes every time our minds do, which is pretty often. The other two founding members are Jenn Choi a.k.a. “Foundress” and Iraj da Silva a.k.a. “Grand Scheme Master.” In case you're wondering, I'm the Secretary-General. Additional members are Megan “Special Representativess to the Secretary-General in Laclubar” Smith, Sally “Communications Officeress” Torbert, and Marwa “Interness”. We're special... and gender-sensitive to boot.
Is the world going to end?
That's what they say. And they must know. By “they,” of course, I mean the Maya. The Great Cycle of 5000-plus years is about to conclude; in fact, it will end precisely on December 23, 2012. It is predicted that civilization as we know it will come to an end. Note the operative phrase “as we know it.” That could mean anything. It doesn't necessarily mean everyone will die. But I'll be 30 then, and life won't really be worth living anymore, so I'm not entirely concerned whatever happens.
Life ends at 30?
Of course. Thirty is human beings' natural lifespan. In the Middle Ages, at 30 you were a wise old man. No mid-life crisis, no divorces, no having to deal with pesky grandchildren. That's it, 30, you're good as dead. Time to make way for the new generation. Dig?
Is that your only evidence for 2012? The Maya?
No... I have more sources, such as my uncle, but I don't think I could get away with quoting my own uncle, after I already told you he's my uncle. Oops, oh well. My other favourite source I like to quote is Saint Malachy. Malachy predicted, in 1130, who the next 112 Popes would be, and so far hasn't missed the mark. The funny thing is that there is only one pope left, that is, the current one, Benedict, called Gloria olivae by Malachy. The next pope, Petrus Romanus, i.e. Peter the Roman, “will feed the sheep through many tribulations, at the term of which the city of seven hills [Rome] will be destroyed, and the formidable Judge will judge his people. The End.” Hoo-ah...
Is there more?
Well, you always have good old Nostradamus. He also predicted the end of the world. Oh, and donut forget the Bible. That one's popular these days, in many ways. Whether you read it literally, or use some weird computer algorithm to extract the so-called “Bible Code,” you get the same thing. What about the Greek mythology? The Age of Aquarius, baby. Yeah I know it's supposed to have started already, but that's according to one set of measurements. Another set says that it's starting sometime around, oh I donno, 2012. Finally, if you are really into this kind of stuff, here is a great source of total weirdness.
Wow! We're screwed!
No we're not. Remember I told you life ends at 30. On with the questions...
Are you an optimist or a pessimist?
Life is a bit too complex to be divided evenly into lines of pessimism and optimism. It is true, though, that there comes a time in everyone's life when one must decide what outlook on life to pursue. There are those that choose a more pessimist attitude, and there are those who choose a more optimistic one.
Pessimism is a choice that is too easy to make and too indulgent to please. Life is not really about thinking about how bad things could be, but how good they can be. If you always expect the worst, the worst is what you will get. People really do make their own reality, and the mistake many people make is they look for things that they cannot have, and they do not adequately quantify the many beautiful things in their lives. You can do anything you set your mind to, whether this be a material goal or not.
But in order to achieve this, there is a necessity for belief in your abilities. If you do not believe in your own abilities, you are a pessimist. I have chosen to believe in mine, and therefore I have chosen optimism over pessimism. It is important to note, though, that whatever outlook one chooses in life, there is always the possibility of bad times. And when people realise they are in for bad times—that is when angst sets in.
Angst?
Yeah. Basically hen things start sucking. Better defined, it's when you realise that you are at a peak in your life, and from now on things will only get worse. Once you are going downhill, what you experience can be called nothing but ANGST.
That sucks. Is there a solution?
Yes, of course. There is always the trough. When you realise that things can't possibly get any worse, and that things are uphill from now on. Chuck Palahniuk called it hitting rock bottom in Fight Club. When you have nothing left to lose. These states however, are pretty hard to recognise when you are in them, basically because you cease to care about what happens anymore.
However, it is very important not to regard angst as a bad thing. Angst is a beautiful, if painful feeling. It reminds you that you are still alive. It wakes you up from stupour. It keeps you looking out for number one!
Does life suck?
No no no! Life is fucking BEAUTIFUL! This life, the life you are living, is a wonderful life. Temporary misery does not mean that life sucks. Shit is what sucks. But shit at least has a purpose: when people are down, that's when they decide to create. That's when they put their thoughts down on paper and canvas. That's when the creative juices flow from the world. Depression has a purpose. If we didn't have depression, progress would cease. Everybody would be too occupied enjoying themselves.
How do I lead the best possible life?
There is no one Way to happiness—happiness is the Way. (Buddha:)
The bottom line is that you have to do what pleases you most. You have to maximise your utility for everything you ever do. And obviously, to do this you have to be free. Freedom is the hardest thing to achieve in these days. Most everyone has at least an idea of what it is that makes them happiest. But very few people have the necessary freedom to realise these wishes, or sometimes lack the liberty to even form them.
But I am not talking merely about political, religious or some related superficial freedom. I am talking about freedom of the spirit; freedom from the material world; inner peace with the world and with yourself. Liberty is not being able to do whatever you want. Liberty is being free to be the best you can be. Unfortunately these are times when the former is chosen as the definition over the latter, which is a shame, because it leads to many injustices and unfufilled wishes.
Unfortunately, like the Matrix, nobody can be told what liberty is—you have to experience it for yourself...
What is the meaning of life?
You know, Adam Rifkin once told me: "You fucking mutt-slunky. Stop ripping off my cool-ass FAQ."
I do believe that in this simple two-sentence construct lies the ultimate meaning of life.
Okay, not really. If you really wanna know the meaning of life, donut ask me. Go here.
FAQ!
FAQ is right!
The End