08.4.26

Warning: The following is... different. I'm not sure where it came from. I go wacky sometimes. But it is based on a true story, if that helps.

...

As I looked at the New York sky, I couldn't help but think, "This is nuts." I was on the 65th floor of the Rockefeller Center, meekly sipping away at the Pepsi I ordered from the open bar. The man behind the bar wore a white suit, a suit which systematically clashed with the body which it housed. The jacket was crisp and clean like it had been stitched for him minutes before; his face was experienced and battered like it had required stitches in the past. Oh, and he was black. And as we all know, there's nothing more symbolic than the clash of light and dark.

Maybe it was the absurdity of the event that gave me heightened absurdity awareness. Like a spidey-sense for noting the incongruous. Here I was, inferior in clothing choice as well as stature, amongst a crowd of suited men, not a crooked tie nor a missing cuff-link in sight, a sea of wingtips traversing the carpeting. I could not look over the shoulder of anyone except with aid of my sneaker's tippy-toes. Yet here I was, clad in the same wrinkly Old Navy shirt which I had worn the night prior, looking out the window and staring down at the city below.

My body towered over the buildings. My hands could clasp any vehicle in sight. My pinch could remove a pedestrian from existence. Even as I played god of a 30 block radius and tried feebly to determine whether I could see my house from here, I could not help but recall that this was in fact "nuts". As power players networked away from my field of vision, here I was, dictator to a Sim City which I had no control over.

I hoped I could come to know a greater truth that afternoon, as if the rays of sun would illuminate the way to a fascinating epiphany. The moment was surreal enough to allow for uniquer thoughts than usual. Maybe the world really was as manipulatable as I had imagined? Or maybe it was that the world could only be changed by the suits of the world, and that anyone not of the correct attire who found himself that high up was merely sight-seeing? No, it could be that I should learn to be comfortable in my own skin, even if I don't blend with the crowd? Or that my inability to conform arrests me from enjoying the benefits of the tribe? Perhaps it was a cosmic display of the perks of being an individual? Or perhaps a devious sight-gag whose lesson could be summed up by the saying "the nail that sticks out gets hammered"?

Ponderous as I was, I instinctively took another sip of my Pepsi, and came to realize something even more useful than any of my fleeting thoughts: even if there is a deeper meaning to all of this, it's all trumped by the great taste and satisfaction of a free beverage on a sunny day with a beautiful view of an amazing city.

Sometimes, you just need to stop thinking like a nut and just enjoy the moment.

08.4.21

So, spring is here, and that means time for another update. Yippee. My enthusiasm is like, through the roof.

First up, click here for NY Auto Show 08 pics, which include comments, some of which may be of a high-larious nature. Although I doubt it.

Second, check out blind-fire.net, and then try out my flash game on Kongregate. It's complicatedly annoying to play!

Third, here's me dying via jet engine at the Air and Space Museum in DC.

Fourth.. there is no fourth. My bad. Maybe next season.

08.1.7

Ah, as good a time as any for my winter update. This one has pictures! And lots of them!

We'll get to the awesomeness/stupidity that is Antimatter, but first, I learned how to knit because I was bored. Here's the results:

Actually, this was supposed to be a bookmark shaped.. thing. But it came out curved because my first few knits were very loose and sloppy, but as I got faster, they also got tighter, so yeah, that's why it's curved. So now that I can knit a basic.. uh.. 4-sided object, maybe I'll move onto something more interesting if I ever get bored.

This next batch is when we went to Flushing for the US Open.

And here's some not very paintbally pics from the paintball place we went to for Rick's birthday.

And here's a couple from skiing at Smuggler's Notch.

And randomly, here's my wicked awesome Xbox360!

Next up, we have this stupid junk that Will and Henry bought, and then sent to my house. Antimatter, the drink from outer space! (Or, the drink that has been to outer space at least)

Here's Henry's opening technique.

Knife goes in..

... knife stays in, I guess.

Ah, here is is!

Ingredients are kinda scary, but that's alright.

Henry isn't so sure about this...

Nevermind, he loves it! Reminds him of his fun times during late nights at Bobst library at NYU, apparently.

And now, assuming I figured out YouTube correctly, the amazing 1st taste test video, starring Henry and moi!

That's all for now! See ya next season!

07.10.22

And now.. the uh... thrilling conclusion. Yeah.

Day 7

The toilet is fixed. The operation was.. well, super duper simple. I just had to replace the old doohickey with a new thingamabob. Bada bing, bada boom, no more random flushes.

Jialu showed up, so nothing else really happened today that is worthy of being reported.. I think.

Day 8

MORE FAILURE!

Last day of the buy 2 get 1 free deal at Toys R Us, so I bit, grabbing Orge Box and Forza 2, and Jialu picked up Zelda:PH. Zelda looked like good clean handheld Zelda fun. The handheld Zeldas always seem a bit less worried about being the next great Zelda and just being kinda happy and fun, which I like compared to the seriousness of Zeldas like Twilight Princess or the N64 ones.

So, I failed again in my attempt to not play games.. well sorta. I played Portal, and it was crazy. I also played some Team Fortress 2, which was also fun to try out the different classes of characters.

Then I played the God of War PSP demo. That was.. well, it was GoW, so whatev.

Day 9

Lots of sleeping followed by lots of football and baseball watching. That's all.

I'm amazed at how the NFL manages to produce a good finale to at least two or three games every week. There was the last second missed FG by Arizona, the last minute drive by Chicago, the last second FG by Denver... it almost seems planned by a higher power.

...

And now it's day 10, which is to say I can play games again. Will I play more or less games than usual? I think I'll play less, maybe read more books to make up for it. But for now, I'm off to go portal crazy.

07.10.19

So I started my "don't play video games for a week" week on the 13th. I've extended that week to go on until 11:59pm-ish on the 21st. Here's my daily diary of the first 6 days.

Day 1

Woke up and watched Hard Boiled, a John Woo film starring Chow Yun Fat. Holy crap, it's like what the world would be like if everyone was required to have a gun. Gun fights everywhere, and lots of diving and pointlessly over the top action. The wackiest part is when Chow is shooting people dead with a newborn in his other hand. It's like, "Welcome to the world kid, now hold this clip so I can reload faster, ok?" I could definitely see how the people who made Stranglehold decided that ed is film needed to have a video game as well.

Went to the library to return Hard Boiled and to stave off boredom. Borrowed The Wisdom of Crowds and some Stephen Pinker book on words and stuff. Read a bit of the former. Interesting stuff, but the author does not write as invigoratingly as Malcolm Gladwell, although he does present his info in a similar matter. Or maybe I've been brainwashed by Gladwell. It must be that.

Took a nap, had a dream about almost playing Halo but then remembering I wasn't going to play games this week. See? Even in my dreams, no video games! But then I woke up, and watched and listened to the 1up Show and Yours podcasts so... does that count as cheating? Mayhaps not.

Oh, and I'm downloading Half-life 1, but I won't play it. Just have it, so that if I still like games after this experiment, the option is there so that I could try it before I decide whether to obtain a copy of The Orange Box or not.

Day 2

FAILURE!

I was planning to watch football all day.. but I broke my promise already, haha.

How many times do you get to play Halo with a bunch of guys in Ben's basement? And with 3 360s on 3 TVs. It was pretty sweet.

I'm chalking this one up as social video gaming, and am now revising my ban on games as one where I don't play them without other people immeadiately present. Or at least that's how I'm rationalizing it.

Day 3

Finished up Wisdom of Crowds. Whoa, I finished a book. Weird. That hasn't happened in a long time. Of course, it helps when you find plenty of time to read while in the bathroom. It's like Mr. Sandman sprinkled dust in my eyes, and a bag of Taco Bell meat into my stomach last night. I don't where that intense bathroom trip came from.

Started Words and Rules by Steven Pinker. So far seems like a crash course in linguistics. My fear is that after reading this book, I will have learned that all I the classes I took for my linguistics major could've been replaced by reading this book. If I could do college over again, I think I'd be a math major instead. Or maybe someone who works with statistics or something. Or a more hardcore Economics major. But not linguistics. I don't know when the heck that'll ever come up in the rest of my life.

Speaking of video games, err.. well I wasn't but now I am, I could see how one could get a lot of things done without video games. I mean, besides football, there's nothing on TV. There's only so many movies to watch. Books ain't bad. Hell, if it weren't for video games, I'd probably be on my way to being a PhD of some crap. Well.. maybe. Maybe I should go back to school.

Day 4 + 5

Went to work these two days. My day starts at 7am, groggily stumbling towards my eventual goal of the Tower Center, and then ends at a little before 9pm when I sleepily return, so I don't have much time to play video games anyway. I did manage to watch Kiki's Delivery Service, which I thought was good until it ended abruptly.

Day 6

So I started my grad school hunt in earnest today. That is to say, I went to B&N and had to find a book to tell me how grad school works and whether there's a point to it. So now I'm planning to go to grad school by Fall 08 at the earliest, prolly as a part-timer working towards a masters. Now where I'll do that... eh, don't know yet, but I do know it'll be Economics, because.. I like economics, I guess. Seems like a good enough reason. Plus until then, I have enough time to build up teh moneys so I can.. uh, pay for it, I guess.

I can't believe I read an entire book at Barnes & Noble. It kinda feels like if someone broke into your home, and just sat there using your DVD player instead of outright stealing it. I don't see how B&N can be okay with that.. well, I had a Frap, so maybe that $3.75 I paid was worth it for the place to let me sit there and read something I wouldn't but anyway?

Took the GRE practice test that you can download, and I got a 760 math/590 verbal. That's better than I thought I would do without studying at all. So with study.. well, I assume an 800 in math shouldn't be too hard to get. Maybe a verbal score in the 600s would be swell.

...

So far in this experiment of depriving myself of video games, I've:
A) played a video game anyway
B) read a few books
C) watched a few movies
D) decided to return to school eventually

Hmm.. maybe I should play less video games all the time.. seems productive enough. Although I wouldn't mind some IIDX right now.. mmmm... Bah, still have 3 more days to get through. Tune in next next update for the thrilling conclusion of this experiment (Days 7 and 8 and 9) to see whether Jed can successfully repair the upstairs bathroom and other stuff as well!

07.10.11

I'm swearing off video games forever. Well, for this first week at least. I'll reserve judgement concerning the rest of forever after this first week of forever without video games.

What's the point of this trial separation? Well, the idea came to me while pacing about in my shower, which is where I like to play around with my most craziest thoughts. I have a whole list of books I want to get around to reading, but I never have time because I'm playing Halo and other stuff all the time. So.. what if I just stop playing video games? Will I finally start spending my free time reading? Or will I just end up watching more TV, or dicking around on the internet more, or maybe even exercising more, or most likely, sleeping more? Basically, I want to find out what life would be like without video games, and whether I'd want to live that way or not for the rest of forever.

For the purposes of this experiment, I'm counting anything played on the computer, any of my consoles, or my portable consoles as off-limits. However, if I do go crazy and start holding a Dualshock while watching the Patriots-Cowboys game and pretending like I'm controlling Tom Brady's sexy body, that doesn't count. I will allow myself to play other games though, like Sudoku or a crossword puzzle, tennis, or that game where I try to catch my finger with its own hand.

The way I see it, 4 things can happen after this experiment: A) I play video games even more than before the week of abstinence because absence makes the heart grow fonder B) I play the same amount as before because it's just another way to spend my free time but nothing more C) I play less because I find out I like other forms of entertainment more now that I've had more time with them D) I cut off video games forever because I come to some sort of epiphany to the Sisyphusian struggle of becoming proficient at something that ultimately has no use in everyday life i.e. twiddling my thumbs in the correct manner to consistently pull of headshots in Halo.

My personal odds on these 4 outcomes in ABCD order are something like 5%/50%/40%/5%. Option A would be an outright and total acceptance of my nerdy calling in life, and uh, I don't want that. Option D would be an outright denial of my nerdy slant, which even if I did try, I doubt it would last very long before I succumbed to temptation. I'm giving Option B the advantage over C, although I'm rooting for C to be the outcome. Ha, like I don't have a choice in the matter, I have to root for it, like it's an underdog baseball team or something. I'm sure that line of thinking says something about my personality, but I'm too lazy/scared of the revelations to think about it.

Another added bonus of options C and D would be that I'd save money by not buying as many games or systems, reducing the likelihood of buying an HDTV, and then being able to put that money into more important investments. You know, like, uh.. what do the kids invest in these days, hookers and blow? Yeah, let's say that.

I think in general, I get an average of 3 hours of video games played per day, give or take 3 hours, so let's say I play 5 days a week for a total of 15ish hours a week. (Although, after trying out Peggle, this number has gone up a bit in the past week). Anyways, I'll try to update my status halfway through the week sans games, then immediately after the week is over, and then a week after that to see how much I end up gaming after all. That's the plan at least. This isn't called Jed's Not Often Updated Website for no reason, afterall. Heck, I may just decide to spend the rest of forever not updating websites. But that's the point of this experiment, to see what else there is to do in this boring little town with my bored little self.

07.09.18

Good news everyone! It's time for my summer update!

Yes, it's still summer.. my sources say that fall officially begins the 23rd of September.

I'll be reposting some of my stuff from my old blogs eventually.. as soon as I figure out an FTP program that will connect to NYU's stupid crap. So uh, don't hold yer breath.

Seeing how this is my personal blog, let's list the things that happened since I last chimed in...

Sometime in May... Graduated NYU
Sat around all summer playing tennis and video games
September... Worked briefly as a blogger
My Xbox 360 died, it's chillin' in Texas right now.
Will begin work as an intern at a market research firm

Blogging was kinda interesting, I guess. But as I said one update ago, "As much as I love the idea of video games being taken seriously as a proper form of art/media/expression, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to write about video games like that". And being forced to write in a formal news blog style was cramping my stizzyle. I remember I had a story about the developers of a game called Uncharted changing their main female character's hair from brunette to blonde, and I wanted to run the headline, "Uncharted brunette goes blonde, IQ drops 30 points". I always thought that was strangely clever of me, since I haven't been even moderately clever in a long time. Haven't had to, what with all the tennis and video games out there to play.

So from May through August was my final summer break ever. I wonder how everyone works in the summer, it's so nice outside, too hot to work, plenty of time for tennis and video games.. I hope I get to take another summer break in the future.

The best part about being out of college is knowing that if you want to, you never have to learn something ever again! Yay!

Although I'm going to intern in the city, I'm looking to get a part-time job to help build up teh moneys (HDTVs don't buy themselves... yet). Think I should work at A&P again? It was kinda fun.. well, the overnight shift at least. Being asked in for the daytime was awful, especially when you're used to sleeping on the conveyor belts at 4am.

Wonder what the chances of getting my Xbox back in time for Halo 3 are? And what are the chances of getting an HDTV before Black Friday? Or should I just get one then? Hopefully the old Samsung models will be on sale by then.

I hope I get a full-time job some time soon. Then I could start the awesome schedule of wake-up, work, go home, video games, gym, sleep, repeat, that I want to do eventually. Oops, I left out eating. Well, I'd cram that in there some days.

Don't got anything too interesting for this update afterall. Mostly I just wanted to point out that I'm gonna put up the old funny pages. I used to be a lot funnier when I was more depressed. Being mildly contentish really sucks the life out of everything, I suppose. Well crap, I need to wake in 7 hours. Until next time, peace out.

07.03.02 - This is some rant I was randomly compelled to write.

I’ve been thinking, wouldn’t it be great to cram the three great bullet points of each of the 3 next-gen systems into one uber-machine? Imagine, the power of the PS3, the online capabilities of Xbox Live and the addictive nature of achievement points, and the motion control and pointlessly amusing Mii avatars of the Wii? Who wouldn’t pay up to 600$ for this awesomeness? Wait a minute… Suddenly, I’m starting to think Sony may have secretly shipped us this uber-machine, right under our noses.

The only problem is, the asshats forgot to tell us! Or at least, did a piss poor job of informing us of the potential good, and instead, opened up the gates for the Sony-hate parade to march down the public’s throat. Sony’s E3 was laughable and very YouTube-abusable. Right before and after launch, everyone was too focused on “We <3 Wii!!!!11” and “PS3 is the suXx0rz!”. And rightfully so; Sony totally borked their launch (and no, I’m not sure what borked means, but it kinda sounds like the noise your face would make if tripped on your shoelaces and bashed it into the sidewalk). No games, a tiny chance of getting mugged after you plunked down your hard earned money, ridonkulous eBay prices, yeah, I’d say the PS3 was unbuyable for the first 3 months of its life.

All this, and no one really knew of the potential of the PS3, or at least the general public couldn’t fathom it. And Sony didn’t help. I don’t remember them ever saying, “Just wait for it, the good stuff’s coming, please be patient!”. Their more “This is the shit, now eat it, bitch!” approach to the PS3 was certainly off-putting. But more recently, in the coming days of GDC, Sony is finally starting to change their image, never mind the stumbles along the way.

What the hell am I talking about? I’m talking the newly not-confirmed-but-you-know-it’s-coming PS3 Home. Never mind the way Sony handled the Kotaku situation, the news is out, and it is good. For those who don’t know, here’s the news, by way of a re-imagining of that Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup commercial from the 80’s:

Xbox360 and Wii walk towards each other, accidentally bump into each other.

Xbox360: Hey, you got your Animal Crossing in my Gamerscore!

Wii: You got your Gamerscore in my Animal Crossing!

Xbox360 and Wii in unison: Hey, that’s a great idea! Letting people create their own avatars and then rewarding them for playing games with shit to put in a virtual house to showcase their achievements!

Cue the A-Team van and A-Team music. It races in and comes to a screeching halt in front of the two systems. PS3, crouching on top of the van driven by Mr. T, leaps down and tackles both Xbox360 and Wii, and steals their Animal Crossing/Gamerscore hybrid.

PS3: HAHAHA!! Ah, I love it when a plan comes together!

Well that was completely unnecessary. But basically this is what the Sony guys are gonna talk about at GDC (and maybe more awesomeness? Dun dun duunnn!). What does this do for Sony? It brings them one step closer to this vision of the uber-machine that I was jibber-jabbering about.

But that’s not the only move Sony made. They made up with the Immersion folks, making it possible to add that pesky last-gen rumbling that everyone was grumbling about to their sixaxis. And thank goodness for that. At least I know every racing fan will love the return of it as they veer off the rumble strip and right into the grass in Gran Turismo.

In sports terms, Sony has made their team a contender by adding two quality role players from the other teams (Gamerscore and Animal Crossing-ness of PS3 Home), and bringing back a veteran player everyone loved and were confused to see let go in the first place (rumble). And all this is complimenting a young and promising core (Cell Processor, Blu-ray, PS Store, Free Online, PSP interaction, backwards compatibility (err, sorta)). A lovable veteran, some young guns with crazy potential, role players who don’t get in the way and only add to the mix... doesn’t this sound like a team that’s a year away from winning the big one? Just let the young guys find their legs (which the PS3 is starting to do, see Motorstorm and VF5 for example), and this could be the team to beat in 07’s December Holiday-Bowl.

The future is finally looking bright for Sony. Now no one can bitch about the lack of rumble, or achievements or Miis. Oh, I guess they can still bitch about the price tag. But this new addition of PS3 Home could sway the way we feel about that price. And if they throw in rumbly sixaxis controllers, that helps even more. Of course, I won't be buying one until these things happen (and Wipeout comes out).

Now if Sony’s PR could just stop putting its foot in its mouth, we may be able to share in the vision of the PS3 as the uber-machine that Sony wants us to see.

Of course, this entire post could be null and void if all these rumors don't pan out... well, I can dream at least.

...

I’ve been reading Bill Simmons a bit much lately, so if that sounded vaguely like him… well good for me. As much as I love the idea of video games being taken seriously as a proper form of art/media/expression, I sure as hell wouldn’t want to write about video games like that.

The Sports Guy recently talked about his experience as a color-analyst during a college basketball game, and he summed it up as not that hard. Just speak like a fan watching the game and chatting with a friend. This is why I like the 1up networks podcasts. The 1up Yours podcast is the prime example of this less formal presentation of video game news. I never feel like I’m being talked at, but rather, like I’m eaves dropping on them. So not only does it fill my need for video game banter, but it also makes me feel just a little bit more stalker-like.

In other news, or at least news since the last time I updated, I got a Wii, a 360, and I’m gonna say I like my 360 purchase a lot more. Of course, I have more than a year’s worth of games to try on the 360, and the Wii is brand new and like the PS3, still needs time to grow.

What else.. nope, guess that’s it. Look for another update once Spring rolls around, I guess. Goodnight!

06.10.29 - Welcome to the Autumn edition of my rantings! I'm that guy to the right! Well, that's what my Mii will look like at least. So yeah, I gots my Wii pre-ordered at the Nintendo World store, and I'm gonna pick up Zelda and Monkey Ball eventually. Only 3 weeks! Can you feel the excitement? No? Well.. feel harder. Also, I'm lookin' to pick up some Elite Beat Agents, Gunpey, Yoshi's Island 2, and maybe Phoenix Wright 2. Depending on if I ever get my grubby hands on the first game and complete it. Imagine a multiplayer Phoenix Wright.. it'd be like mock trials in school all over again! Hopefully this time I won't have to dress up like a cow and play a dalmation. Bad times that 6th grade was.. I think I got my self-portrait of Miiself pretty spot on, all the way down to the scrawny definition of my body, owing to a lack of any strength or muscles, both in real-life and Wii-l life. Check out my mad run-on sentences skills and puns, btw.

And now, I took the time to see how Henry and Gene would look as Miis....

So.. that's pretty much all I wanted to post. Back to Civ 4 until the ava-launch of games and systems in November. Get it? Ava-launch? I thought of it myself, so like, don't steal it without using proper citation notation, aight?

06.06.30 - This update is gonna be the half of summer is over random list of things I want to talk about. And now, tons of text! Hooray!

Ok, maybe that makes me a Nintendo fanboy... so what? Zelda was maybe the perfect sequel. It played just like the SNES Zelda, but they added so many new features that didn't suck (some did.. stupid watering seeds crap) that the game was refreshing. Like a Jamba Juice in 100 degree weather refreshing.

Metroid Fusion, while also a worthwhile sequel, did not feel as new experiencey as Minish Cap. Then again, I'm pretty sure it's a bit older too. But it was just as challenging as the SNES Metriod, and had more interesting boss battles.

And Paper Mario was just a well put together RPG. Funny too. I guess my only complaint was that I didn't realize there was another playable character that I hadn't unlocked until after I beat the game... doh!

Kingdom Hearts sounded like such a good idea, but then I played it... and argh, the gameplay is so boring, I refuse to continue. If I want a hack and slash, I'll play any Dynasty Warriors, thank you very much.

NFL Head Coach was supposed to be what I played to satisfy my sports game need until NCAA Football 2007 came out. Instead, it simply made me want to play football by a lot more. Watching the players I was coaching made me think "I could've done that better. Feh! If only instead of coach, I could become the player! Now that'd be a great idea for a game... wait a minute..." The super long load times didn't help either.

Unlike the other two, Sonic Rush was unlikable not because it bored me in some way, but was impossible to play. I couldn't get past the second world! Have I just become that bad at Sonic games, or do I just really really hate water levels in Sonic games? (Both.)

It could've been so good! But then... it wasn't as good as either Mario 3 or Super Mario World. No flying? Gigantism not nearly as fun as it should've been... but these are nit-picky things. Solid game, but I was hoping for a lot more. Maybe my expectations were too high?

The 11th style of beatmania 2 dee ecks is like awesomeness ftw! Or.. something harder core than that. Easily my favorite style, but I say that about every new style that comes out (beatmania US doesn't count).

Thank you whoever got me Time Crisis 3! Now I don't have to waste so many quarters at the arcades! Too bad the 2 player version turns into the ultra tiny split screen..

I tried the newest arcade DDR today (well technically yesterday), and although I only played 3 songs, I'd say I'm satisfied. The songlist sounds fun, at least. Plus, more IIDX crossover songs is always a plus in my book. Definitely willing to play more of it during summer. Plus.. it's easier than ITG.

I was hoping for some live octopus/girl action, but instead got a weird, Japanese porn set up as a game show where the contestant guesses what's inside the box they're being molested in, i.e. octopus, doctor's equipment, sushi. Wonder how they came up with that idea...

Japanese Guy 1: "We need to make a porn... oh, I know! How about we put chicks in a huge box with only their heads sticking out, and then have them molested in a traditional Japanese way, and then they guess how they're being molested!" Japanese Guy 2: "Now that's thinking 'outside the box'!" Japanese Guy 1: ".... Fuck you and your puns!"

I'm imagining the brainstorm process for the anal milk porn to go something like this....

Japanese Guy 1: "Hey, you know what would be hot? Let's inject milk into a chick's ass, then plug her ass up, make her cum, then unplug her and watch her shoot milk out her ass!" Japanese Guy 2: "And then... we drink it, right?" Japanese Guy 1: "What? NO! That'd be gross! What kind of kinky fetish freak are you? I thought I knew you... Man.. I can't even look at you anymore..."

And then for the next porn...

Japanese Guy 1: "Okay, for our next porn, let's have it about guys who get raped by 4 insanely hot women." Japanese Guy 2: "Brilliant!" Japanese Guy 1: "Yeah! And the girls can like, make the guys do humiliating things like drink pee, and cum on their own faces, and light their pubes on fire!" Japanese Guy 2: "Yeah!... wait.. that's not hot." Japanese Guy 1: "What're you, gay?" Japanese Guy 2: "No... I'll be quiet."

No, this isn't the porn section anymore. There's this guy in Japan named Razor Ramon (not the WWE guy..), and he's either hilarious or a complete idiot. I happen to think he's the funniest character since the Masturbating Bear. Love those gyrating hips... I mean, I don't! I'm not gay! You're gay!

This video is just a reminder that you should never trust a porta-pottie, unless it's made by Royal Flush. I love Royal Flush Porta-Potties!

More IIDX makes it way onto the site, in the form of this guy singing along to The Safari. I think it's a good song, and I even had it stuck in my head for a good while. But of course, I'm also an idiot.

And this last one by Alex Ovechkin is just.. how the fuck did that puck go in the net?

Unless Thank You For Smoking counts, in which case, that would win hands down. But that didn't come out this summer. I think. I've only seen MI:3, X-Men 3, DaVinci Code, and Poseidon. And as much as I loved the all out action/zero plot of Poseidon, the bore-fest of DaVinci, and the Nightcrawler-less X-Men, the dude who made Alias and Lost put together a surprisingly intriguing 3rd Mission Impossible. Plus, I could watch Tom Cruise get thrown into that car after that missle hit the bridge at least 50 more times.

And that does it for my list of stuff that I vaguely care about. Stay tuned next time when I introduce my idea for a new Japanese porn involving mung-tenticle rape!

06.06.11 - Oh, I put up a new Dr. Celestino a while ago, but never bothered to put up a link here because, well, no one actually visits here.

So I got an internship at Men's Journal, which is a pretty cool magazine (I've only read it once, and that was the day before my interview). So I'll be working in the city MWR. Three days a week ain't so bad. I start next W. Hopefully it turns out cool, and not more making copies and stapling things. Or maybe if it gets super awful, I'll jump ship and head down to Atari.. hmm.. Let's hope it doesn't.

A boredom update this is. I think I lost a GBA SP. I can't seem to find it anywhere, which is annoying. Let me check my jacket.. ok, nevermind, I just found it in my winter coat. All is well.

With the help of my dad, I rearranged my room. I like it better. Although it could use more cow bell.

I'm going to sell my Gamecube and leftover XBox stuff tomorrow. I miss my XBox, but I suppose your time was up, and I'm not going to buy another one for fear of it blowing up again. And as for my Gamecube.. well, you were great and all, but with the Wii coming out this year, you are also obsolete. So all I'll be left with is a PStwo.. Sony wins again, I suppose.

Now I'm just going to show a bunch of pictures that are represenative of larger photo albums that can only be viewed on my computer, because I'm too lazy to upload all of them, and plus, they're not that interesting.

And yeah, that more or less sums up the picture worthy things that happened in the last 3 months or so. Tune in next time when I meatotomize myself with my electric nose and ear hair trimmer!

06.06.03 - Jesus it's late. It's like 5:30 in the morn right now. I just can't look at video games anymore. Anyhoo, I decided soon after school ended to play all those games I forgot to play the past 4 years or so, and now I'm so bored, I'm going to list all the games I have played this summer.

IIDX RED - mmmm... falling notes...
Zelda: Minish Cap - beaten in like 2 days, but it was an awesome 2 days.
NEW Super Mario Bros. - so retro, that I thought it was too retro. Wish it was more like Super Mario World.
Shadow of the Colossus - well, at least the demo of it in Toys r Us, but it took me an hour and 15 minutes to figure out, so that counts.
Paper Mario and the 1000 year door - reminds me of mario RPG and the old paper mario, except with a much more amusing script.
Kingdom Hearts - only got up to the first save point, but so far, the opening movie and the tutorial were both weird and nonsensical.

I plan to play: Fire Emblem, a Castlevania game of some sort, the GBA Metroids, the other Kingdom Heartses, Kirby Canvas Curse, a Devil May Cry game, and whole bunch of other games once I'm done with these. Assuming I can fit this all into the summer.

If I get realllly bored, maybe I'll write up reviews or something for these games, you know, to kill mad amounts of time. Anyhoo, off to bed.

06.03.13

06.02.20 - As a response to responses I got for the last update: get used to it. I hope that every update, I manage to be less and less clothed until all my hoobally jawls are figtergating around my liminafer. Well, except this one.

It's an oldy but a goody. Here's an essay I wrote all the way back in 11th grade, using A Modest Proposal as a model. And as a bonus, here's a pic of me back in high school! Look at that mug why dontcha! Woof...

The overwhelming crowding of our high school hallways must come to an end immediately. There are just too many bodies in the hall trying to get from one place to another for proper traffic flow. Intersections in the halls become deadly mosh pits, with people jockeying for position in order to make the appropriate turn. Straight-aways become clogged with chatty, inconsiderate roadblocks, forcing students to squish their way through. Stairways are even slower and more dangerous, with people running in every direction, and not following the American concept of “driving” on the right side of the road. Every five-minute interval between classes is an odyssey, making the student survive the perils of walking amongst morons.

Luckily, a simple solution can be found that will not only allow for more efficient traffic flow, but also alleviate the crowding in prisons. By letting convicted murders, rapists, and child molesters roam the hallways with full license to commit whatever crime they fancy, surely, the flow of students will increase. With the ring of each bell, students will not only go directly to their assigned classroom, they will dash madly in the direction of their next class, for fear of being murdered, raped, or molested. The problem of crowded intersections can be fixed with the installation of a prisoner in the middle of the intersection, forcing students to stay as close to the walls as possible and thus not clogging up the middle of the hall. The chatty groups who hold meetings in the center of every major hallway will be a thing of the past. Even if students do try to stand still and talk, they will surely be robbed, wrestled to the floor and raped senselessly. Traveling up and down stairs will also become much faster, with students running upwards to the right side, and others fleeing downward to their right side. Some students may even figure out that the best way to get from B hall to A hall is via the gaping escape hole in the middle of the hallway.

Another benefit of letting convicts vent their anger towards the students of East Brunswick High School is the inevitable increase of the teacher to student ratio. With more students being helplessly hacked, fondled, and mutilated, the size of classes will go down considerably, allowing for a more personal relationship between the teacher and student. Survivors of the hallways will be rewarded with a better education and better grades overall. In addition, physical education will become obsolete, since running for your life is an excellent way to lose pounds and stay fit. By the end of the school year, the select few who managed to defend themselves from being shot, stabbed, fatally injured, violated, groped, abused, and raped will be ready for any problem that should arise in their future. Setting murderers, rapists, and other undesirables loose in our hallways must be done as soon as possible. It is the only way to unclog the hallways, and has the added benefit of preparing students for the real world after high school, where they will undoubtedly be constantly attacked by murderers, rapists, and the many other kinds of violent psychotics who belong in our hallways.

06.01.06 - A Typical Day in The Lives of Henry and Jed