A JOKE A DAY KEEPS ANNOYING PEOPLE AWAY...
JOKES PAGE 4
Return to Joke of the Day
GO TO PAGE:
1
2
3
4
5
In honor of JOKE OF THE DAY now getting to joke number FOURTY, we are posting it 9 minutes early, so you can celebrate for an extra few minutes with us. Also, it’s just really really funny. Enjoy it… or else. (Warning to women like Ben Krol… Don’t read this joke as you may be offended.)
A woman went to the doctor's office where a young new doctor saw her.
After about four minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her
she was pregnant.
She burst out screaming and ran down the hallway. An older doctor
stopped her and asked what the problem was.
She told him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and
relax in another room.
The doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Smith is 62 years old, she has four grown children, seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?”
The new doctor continued writing on his clipboard and without looking up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"
Return to Joke of the DayHey everyone, it’s a new day, and we got a new couple of jokes for you. Before we let you read about Irish Moose Hunters, we have something to say. As many people have asked about our website, we have decided to come up with some form of official answer to the question “what type of jokes” do we have. We have tried answering with “short story-esque jokes,” “quick, tell them on the go type jokes,” and “funny jokes.” Our official answer now is going to be either “why don’t you just go check the site and see for yourself,” “your kind of jokes,” or “go bleep yourself.” We feel that bleep is probably the most appropriate response we can give, because we all know that for the most part, they aren’t going to read the JOKE OF THE DAY anyways. So now enjoy number THIRTY NINE:
Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.
They bagged six. As they started loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot said the plane could take only four moose. The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put the all on board - he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. However, even with full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
A few moments after, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?" Mick said "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
Return to Joke of the DayAs promised, for those of you who are up at 3 am still, number THIRTY EIGHT is being posted right alongside number thirty seven. We like this JOKE OF THE DAY better than the last one, because of how true we wish number thirty six were. Not really, it’s just that we aren’t what you would call a tree-hugging-liberal, so we don’t intend to vote for Hilary Clinton… Although we do hear that she had a snuke up her sniz at one point or another (and we’d give another ‘all hail the queen’ for our British readers, but we just don’t care that much)... also, we will probably be voting for that old guy from New York who was around during 9/11, even if he doesn’t regularly read our jokes.
A man is talking to God. The man asks God, "God, how much is a million years to you?"
God replies: "Oh, I don't know... about a second."
The man then asks, "God, how much is a million dollars to you?"
God replies: "Hmm... about a penny."
The man then asks, "God, can I have a penny?"
God then replies: "Give me a second.”
Return to Joke of the Day Today’s second JOKE OF THE DAY will be posted immediately after this one. We stumbled across a nice forum of jokes today, (please note it is 3 am right now, so if they are not funny, too bad) and we are ‘borrowing’ their jokes. You can find our sources if you look hard enough. But for now we will keep their identities safe… (mainly because they did not cite themselves, they just threw these jokes out like a rotten towel, and you know what they say, one man’s trash is another man’s number) THIRTY SEVEN!
A stockbroker, on his way home from work in New York City, came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving."
He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Officer what's the hold up?"
The officer replies, "Hillary Clinton is just so depressed about all the New Yorkers making her the butt of so many jokes, she stopped her motorcade in the middle of the freeway and she's threatening to douse herself in gasoline and set herself on fire. She says her husband is running around on her more than ever and the Democrats told her to forget about the presidency in 2008. So we're taking up a collection for her."
The broker asks "Oh really? How much have you got so far?"
The officer replies "About 14 gallons, but a lot of folks are still siphoning."
Return to Joke of the DayOur second joke today, as promised. This whole adding two jokes a day thing seems pretty promising, don’t it. Well, don’t let us fool you… we’ll get lazy soon enough. So this joke is less funny if you do not like the ones where guys would laugh but chicks wouldn’t. This JOKE OF THE DAY is also a good one not to tell out loud, but rather spread it through email, because it requires a fair amount of skill in reading coordination, and lining it all up nice and neatly. If any of that made any sense, then number THIRTY SIX is for you. If not, please, just click an ad or two (once they eventually get back up) and go away.
FEMALE TO MALE TRANSLATION:
What a woman says:
"This place is a mess! C'mon,
you and I need to clean up,
Your stuff is lying on the floor,
and you'll have no clothes to wear,
if we don't do laundry right now!?"
What a man hears:
"blah, blah, blah, blah, C'MON,
blah, blah, blah, blah, YOU AND I,
blah, blah, blah, blah, ON THE FLOOR,
blah, blah, blah, blah, NO CLOTHES,
blah, blah, blah, blah, RIGHT NOW!"
Return to Joke of the DayThis one made us here at JOKE OF THE DAY LOL. It’s really no idk my bff jill, but number THIRTY FIVE still has some cajones. And yes, we did just go there. We just said cajones. Almost as bad as our use of trounce? We think not.
A pirate walks into a bar, and he has got a steering wheel on his pants.
The bartender asks him "whats with the steering wheel on your pants?"
Arrr! the pirate replies, I do not know, but its driving me nuts!
Return to Joke of the Day As promised (sort of), here at JOKE OF THE DAY we are still posting a second joke for you guys, our avid readers. We really respect our teachers and professors, past and present… and you may all (teachers included) take this line as sucking up. We will probably need it if any of them read number THIRTY FOUR, and if they do not like this one, we are royally trounced for numbers one to thirty three anyway, and we will accept our grades for what they are (preferably A’s for those of you who happen to grade us…). Also, we don’t know if ‘trounced’ is a word, but if this is considered a ‘publication’ and this website is ‘published’ then according to the definition of a word, it is now. So yeah, good job guys with using the word trounced in proper context. That like four times we’ve used the word trounced in this commentary. Anyways, enjoy:
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand
up?" said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one
freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?"
enquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see
you standing up there all by yourself."
Return to Joke of the DayWhile we here at JOKE OF THE DAY would most certainly not consider ourselves as racist in any way shape or form, we just REALLY REALLY enjoy making fun of french people and their ‘country.’ If you did not already notice, we will just quickly tell you that french people are cowardly (politically at a minimum), eat crappy food, generally do not have great accents that never get annoying, and their women don’t shave their armpits (so we are told). Anyways, no offense intended… All stereotypes aside, we are here for some good clean old fashioned British humour (and if you will notice, we capitalize British, but not french... it’s a matter of respect). So here is number THIRTY THREE: (PS: We are not British… just in case there was any confusion there, we are 100% American.)
An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the locals, and have a pint of bitter.
After a while, he finds himself in a very nice neighbourhood with big, stately residences. No pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all no public restrooms.
However, he really has to go, after all those Guinness's. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem.
As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London bobby, who says, "Sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know."
"I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really have to go, and I just can't find a public restroom."
"Ah, yes," said the bobby, "just follow me". He leads the American to a back delivery alley to a gate, which he opens.
"In there," points the bobby, "whiz away sir, anywhere you like."
The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
Since he has the policeman's blessing, he relieves himself and feels much more comfortable. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the bobby "That was really decent of you. Is that what you call English hospitality?"
"No sir...", replied the bobby, "that is what we call the French Embassy."
Return to Joke of the DayThis is not so much a JOKE OF THE DAY because it is the third joke we have added today, so the next time we forget to add a joke for a day, just come back down here and read this one. If you have already read a joke today, then please save number THIRTY TWO for the next time you are feeling really desperate and just have to let go. This is a really good one, and what you learn from it should be implemented into your everyday lives. K? Thanks.
Phil had just joined a club after his friend had recommended it (being a member for quite some time).
They were sitting at the bar having their beers when someone yelled "21" and there was a small uproar of laughter. A few minutes later someone else yelled "34" and another roar of laughter rose up. Phil, confused about this asked his friend "Why is everyone laughing at the numbers being called out" His friend said, well we've been telling the same jokes for so many years that we just numbered them all and if you want to tell a joke you just call out a number"
Phil nodded and said "Can I try?" His friend nodded and Phil called out "121" and everyone in the club roared with laughter and it didn't die down for at least another 15 minutes after. "Why did everyone laugh so hard at that joke?" Phil asked. His friend said with a small chuckle "We haven't heard that one before."
Return to Joke of the DayAs we for some reason decided yesterday, we are adding a second JOKE OF THE DAY every day until we get lazy again, we have a nice little update for all our avid readers right now. Surprised? So are we. We would never have added this now if we thought we would remember to add it tomorrow. Enjoy number THIRTY ONE, it takes a neat little unexpected twist, so if you are not offended to start the joke, be prepared to be at the end, and vice-a-versa. You will (probably) see why…
At a hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
Surveying the worried faces, the doctor said: "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news. The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, a you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"
The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. One man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more expensive?"
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and said to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've been used."
Return to Joke of the Day
GO TO PAGE:
1
2
3
4
5
CONTACT ME:
My email is MJZimmer88@aol.com
Staples.com Coupons