finnegus maximus (abridged)
the story of how an uncertified philosopher-soldier came to be

Synopsis: 20-year old male uncertified philosopher-soldier, born and raised in New York City, struggles to come to terms with the universe - all at once expecting the most of it, while also understanding the need for disappointment.

—

On the fortuitous day of November 8th, on the One Thousandth Nine Hundredth and Eighty-First Year of Our Lord, Finnegus Desmeridius Socrates Confucius Maximus was born under the blessed eye of St. Vincent's in the village of Greenwich.

1 and a half years of age: First retrievable memory, in which Young Finn learns about Ownership, the Merits of Running Really Fast, and How to Climb.

Finding himself hopeless and confused in his grandparents' apartment, he slowly makes his way to their bedroom. Fully capable of bipedal walking motion, he prefers to crawl on all fours, so his progress is slow at best. After working up a good pant, Finn climbs one of the room's beds (which is nearly three times his crawling height), and makes his way over to a Sesame Street Cookie Monster Piano. It has six seemingly fruit-flavored keys, with a disembodied Cookie Monster head peering out at the player. The eyes roll around anytime a key is pressed. Unfortunately, Young Finn's moment of fun is interrupted by a screaming 6-year old brat who later turns out to be his uncle. After his grandparents chastise him for playing with someone else's toys without permission, Finn makes a vow of revenge but quickly forgets it.

3 years of age (on the dot): Young Finn's even younger sibling, the Li'l Wallaby, comes into existence, performing the near impossible act of simultaneously stealing his parents' affection, and his birthday.

His most distinct memory from that November 8th is singing "Happy Birthday" with an audience consisting of a small chocolate cupcake and a concerned aunt.

5 years of age: Finn's first remembered visit to Malaysia, his mother's land of birth, in which Finn learns about Airplanes, Outhouses, Beaches, the Real Expanse of the World, and Banana Trees.

One of the more pivotal events in Finn's young life was the exact moment the airplane took off from the tarmac. It was the same moment Finn fell in love with the notion of traveling, and with the feeling of being in-flight. The following two months of his life mostly consisted of laughter with cousins, unconditional affection from distant relations, and the exploration of a fascinating multiethnic culture.

Shortly after his sad return to the Mayoralty of New York City, Finn happened upon a sketch of the solar system. It was only then when he began to think of Earth as a mere speck. Coupled with his newly minted experiences in a country utterly unlike his own, Finn fell into a state of deep awe, often confused with drunkenness.

6 to 11 years of age: The sagacious Finn is schooled in the dark arts of history, general science, mathematics, and music. Thanks to his mommy's preemptive schooling, he is labeled as a "genius" at least 452,749 times, but manages to keep his head straight.

During this interim, Finn takes up music training and watercolor painting. His frequent obsessions include the "Gavotte," and bad splotches that vaguely resemble Saturn.

Also sometime during this period, Finn remembers seeing footage of the Challenger Space Shuttle exploding. Finn mourns. His admiration for all things space-related is badly shaken. Moreover, this begins his tradition of keeping up with "world events."

7 years of age (side note): Finn's first visit to the Cloisters Museum in Fort Tyron Park, in which he learns about Chivalry, Inspiration, and Affection for Maidens and the Like. While clasping the hand of his then-current childhood sweetheart, K., the gothic castle emerges from a summer morning mist in truly cinematic fashion. It inspires the young-in to pledge himself to a life of knighthood, setting the stage for a future of philosopher-soldiering.

11 years of age: Finn's tribe migrates to the County of Queens, a subdistrict of the Mayoralty of New York City. The fledgling knight learns about Junior High Schools, Approaching Strangers, Front Lawns, and for the first time, Competition. Over the course of the next three years, Finn encounters some of the swarthiest persons to ever carry the label of "friend."

There was one moment from this period worth noting. Finn approaches a mourning stranger, and gets involved in a five hour-long conversation with her. At the end, between happy sobs and chuckles, she tells Finn to consider becoming a therapist.

13 years of age: Finn begins attending Stuyvesant High School in Manhattan's Battery Park. This marks the beginning of over seven years of commuting (one and a half hours each way). The still prepubescent Finn learns all manners of Card Games with his swarthy friends, in addition to the notions of Time and Boredom.

14 years of age: Young Finn reaches sexual maturity. Insert teenage angst here. Involves shockingly short crew cuts, excessive moodiness (which never quite seems to go away), sub-par academic performance, and self-absorption.

15 years of age: Meets his first muse, J.K. Her handwritten letters (delivered at the close of class-time every day) inspires him to begin writing. 2,000 pages later, Finn realizes that his life is irrevocably changed.

17 years of age: Finn begins undergraduate training at New York University, specializing in the disciplines of Psychology and Computer Science. Aspires towards a doctorate and certification for a therapy practice.

18 years of age: Finn starts his (still ongoing) employment at a publishing firm based in SoHo. Writes and researches on a paid basis, and begins reconsidering his earlier objectives for therapy, questioning whether it's better to dispense it, or to receive it.

19 years of age: Begins The Finnegan Papers.

—

Finn's Hobbies: Writing, playing music, and website developing.

Also Likes: Cinema, books, listening to music, world news, messin' with people, a jumbo-sized mother tub of vanilla ice cream, his family (sometimes), his friends (occasionally), beauty, philosophy, photography, geography, mountain biking, camping, hiking, midnight city-walks, being lost, 5'5" smelling like strawberries with the blue skirt, sleeping (when he can), being a proclaimed "workaholic," traveling, dreaming, tea, strong coffee, rodents, and birds (the friendly looking ones).

Finn Has Polluted the Following Locales: New York City (of course), Boston, the states of Maine, Vermont, New Hampshire, Rhode Island, Connecticut, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Tennessee, and Florida, various parts of Canada including Toronto and Montreal, Frankfurt in Germany, Paris in France, Tokyo in Japan, and a large swath of the Southeast Asian corridor, including Malaysia, Singapore, and Thailand.

(diaryland profile)
(back to the Papers)

[5/17/02, first draft]