friday, october 4

Slow day, sleepy, rainy. I'm not used to being around here on a Friday so it's sort of weird. Strangely busy. But I want no part of it.

Two of the three elevators in our building are broken. That means there is inevitably a crowd of at least 20 people waiting every time the door opens. This prompts me to simply hide in my room all day, except to go out and get a banana and some clam chowder. But tomorrow will be fun at least. I am determined to have fun, in spite of everything. Even in this dark and rain I will be my happy self and we'll go off driving somewhere with the windows down, and it will be good.

Oh well, can't think of anything more to write. Maybe later. [5:45 PM]

thursday, october 3

Ewwwwwwwwwwww.

Randomly looking out your window and seeing a fat shirtless man in his kitchen in the apartment across from you = BAD BAD BAD. [6:20 PM]

My roommate and her friend come barging in here. Friend starts commenting on my side of the room, my books, my fish, my decorations etc. Totally ignoring my presence. Then they start laughing quietly and Divya (my roommate) asks, pointing to my pack of Camel Turkish Jade on my bedtable, "Have you started smoking?"

Why yes, Divya, I do smoke. I also freebase crack, drop acid, roll X and shoot heroin. Do you do anything with your life except study and break my shit? [3:19 PM]

wednesday, october 2

Luke has been in the process of cutting back his hours at work, since he's been getting sick lately and hasn't been able to concentrate. He has also let a ton of bills pile up which now need to be paid off. This means:

1) His day off is now Saturday, not Friday. So I have another whole day to sit around waiting to see him, with nothing to do, and no possibility of seeing him for more than one day a week.

2) He's earning much less money now, which puts us back in the whole financial issue thing that has prevented us from being together in the past even though geographically we're right next to each other.

3) The fact that I'm totally unable to find a job is going to weigh even more heavily on me now.

4) In the meantime while he's paying off his bills, we may not be able to see each other at all. I am here, and he is there. 20 miles away, but totally unreachable, because of money. Because we're poor. And I need to be with him, and I can't. We can't. We can't get it together.

This is the sort of stuff which made last year a living hell for me.

Please, anyone, if you're an employer in New York City, please. Take pity on me and give me a job. For my sanity's sake, and his. [11:39 PM]

Ut-oh. Sarah's writing angry anti-religion poems.

Look out. [8:04 PM]

FYI: Just because you are tall, thin and beautiful does not mean you can cut ahead of me in the sandwich line.

But, you know, if it makes you happy, go ahead. You look like you could use the food more than me. [5:53 PM]

Well, today has started out rather...hmm, how should I put this...oh yeah, today SUCKS. Starting at 8:15am, when my roommate locked herself in the bathroom and refused to come out until 10 minutes before I was supposed to be at recitation, 15 blocks away. Thus ensued a bunch of minor events which are all too minor to recount but which were nevertheless irritating and annoying. At the end of class my French instructor is still babbling away, then all of a sudden "Sarah, you're looking at the clock!" No I'm not looking at the clock! But now that you mention it, why do you keep us ten minutes later than we're supposed to be here every time?! Oh yeah, and everyone's poem in Writing sucked today. And Eugene, the kid who always sits next to me and breathes heavily and noisily through his nose while everyone else is silent, Eugene my friend, you need to be shot.

OK so anyway, how was your day. [2:12 PM]

tuesday, october 1

Finished poem #4. This was harder than the other ones, probably because I actually paid attention to it while I was writing it. And I was pretty strict with rhythm too. Didn't quite get across the thoughts I wanted to get across, but maybe people will understand it anyway. So, anyway, here you go. [9:31 PM]

Some of these Tool concert reports are a little dubious.

"This show was fuckin crazy...when I got in there and TOOL finally came on, everyone went silent. Suddenly they broke into a nasty version of sweat and everyone started to fuck eachother. Patton was blowing Maynard until Maynard blew his load all over the crowd."

That would be an act to remember. [7:56 PM]

A friend of mine from high school, who also attends NYU but whom I haven't spoken to since last spring, just IMs me and offers me a free advance screening ticket to "Red Dragon." Now, this is a lovely offer and all (though I am forced to decline as I have a paper due tomorrow that I must write) but it strikes me as just a little disconcerting. I haven't seen her in person since last December. And all of a sudden she wants to go to a movie with me.

I don't know. Maybe I'm ungrateful. But...I don't know. She was always smarter than me. Graduating a semester ahead of me (and I'm already a semester ahead), attending college classes before we were even in college. Back in middle school I reached out to her, took her along with me to the beach because her family never did anything. But now I feel every time she talks to me she's standing there with her arms crossed, eyes narrowed in disdain at my intellectual inferiority. Certain people tell me the city has changed her, and certain other people tell me she hates me, for reasons unknown. I don't know what it is, but hopefully she'll just realize that I'm my own way and she's hers, and she's fine with her Poly Sci/Physics double major, and I'm fine with whatever dubious career path I've mapped for myself, and it's okay, and we're all okay, and yeah. Life is just too short.

Now back to this paper. God I hate Philip Levine. (Just as a sidenote.) [5:37 PM]

monday, september 30

Ugh. Headache. Jawache. Tired. Feverish. Ugh. Ugh. Why won't that Advil kick in? Ugh. I hate when this happens. Slept miserably last night. Too many thoughts. I really have to stop thinking. Did I mention I HATE this?

I hope Luke calls tonight... [8:04 PM]

Mmmmmmmmm.

Food always tastes best when it's free.

Definitely a motivation for me to attend more of these career service seminars. [6:51 PM]

sunday, september 29

The bikers are out en masse this evening. It's going to be a noisy night. [8:10 PM]

I have welcomed a new cell phone into the world.

As soon as I walked into the store I knew exactly what the guy was going to say before he said it: I'm sorry but there's nothing I can do for you here from this store. Yeah. Well, through a bit of polite maneuvering I managed to get the guy from Customer Service to convince the guy from Sales that even though my original phone had a Pennsylvania area code I could still buy a new phone in New York because...umm...they were nice people and weren't going to strand me in the middle of the city with no cell phone. So bless their hearts.

Then the other Sales guy tried to tell me that my $80 phone cost $200. Er, no. That was straightened out in short order. Turns out that my old phone was insured up to $100, so I didn't have to pay a thing. Yay for free phones.

So, anyway, I mourn the loss of my old clunky Stone-Age cell phone, but my new one is awful cute. And, most importantly, you can play Space Invaders on it. All's well that ends well. [5:02 PM]

Well, no sign of my cell phone in Luke's car. Which either means it disappeared into a randomly-occurring black hole, or someone took it. If it's the latter, they're going to be awfully disappointed, considering I had a security lock on the thing. Oh well, hopefully it will bring them as much joy as it brought me. In the meantime, I'm off to the Verizon store on 34th Street to buy a new one.

Just as soon as I finish my Apple Jacks. Mmmmm. Apple Jacks. [12:13 PM]