saturday, december 7

Well today was relatively productive. I was going to see "Bowling For Columbine" with Masako but she ended up not being able to go because she is a bit of a ditz, so I decided to get the bulk of my (what little I have to do) Christmas shopping out of the way. I keep trying to tell myself that extensive walking in my 3-inch heel hooker boots will not do permanent damage to my feet. Anyway, I managed to fill an entire pretty bag with little presents and doodads and whatnot for Luke: aside from the two mix CDs I made him, I got him a DVD of "Some Kind Of Wonderful" - I'm going to tell him I found it in the bargain bin so he doesn't feel bad - a lip balm from the Body Shop (sort of an inside joke..."You stole my lippy!" etc), one of those "Wicked" language books for French, a book of "Bushisms," some Fun Dip (I tried to find Blasters but this was the next best thing), and a little hardcover book about the art of massage. Sort of an unsubtle hint. I also got him and his family a coffee sampler from Dean & DeLuca, and a Nylabone for his dog Mabel. I feel ever-so generous. The Bushisms book actually has several quotes from the man's trip to Wake Forest last fall, which Luke had the good fortune of missing. Also on page 49 there is a hilarious picture of our President with a happy, vacant look on his face, holding an enormous gavel up to his head. I could not resist.

Today was also a nice day for me and animals. I went into a bookshop looking for his French book, and there was this beautiful black and white cat standing guard by the door. Actually it was sitting calmly on top of a stack of books. When I went past it hopped down and proceeded to follow me around the store. I have a habit of getting cats to follow me around. I'm not sure why. I don't really mind though. Then I went up to Union Square and they were having a fundraiser event for Mighty Mutts, an organization that rescues homeless dogs from the streets and places them in homes. I met an adorable friendly pit bull named Harley and he came up to me and gave me a nice polite lick on the hand and so I had to donate a few dollars because (once again) I could not resist. Finally inside Petco I picked out Mabel's Nylabone, and a poorly-leashed pug started crawling all over me trying to get to it. Oh, and there were also several rescued kitties in the cat section that I cooed over for awhile. So now I feel all mushy and kindhearted and sentimental because animals just make me happy in a way I can't really explain.

So, all in all it was a pretty nice day and the fact that my feet and back feel like liquid fire doesn't even bother me all that much, nor does the fact that I have to write two literary reviews for Creative Writing by Monday, and revise four dossiers for French in the same time. This is about the time of the semester where I basically stop caring about such things. Besides, I found a $5 coupon for holiday shipping at Mailboxes Etc. in the elevator. Who could frown at such fortune? [5:05 PM]

friday, december 6

Well it was a thrilling night in the hallowed halls of the NYU intellectual community, as I dragged myself to a poetry reading at Ireland House per the requirements of my Creative Writing course. The Ireland House is a fun place. There is no such thing as a "minimum drinking age" at the Ireland House. Cheese and wine are made abundantly available to all who enter the Ireland House. The poetry was good too, of what I can remember. I think I may pay a visit again to the Ireland House. And the entire shebang was concluded by the sage remarks of my Writing instructor: "Somebody left a cell phone. In the bathroom. It says 'HOWARD'."

Genius. Sheer genius. [8:58 PM]

thursday, december 5

They are playing "Ruby Soho" on MTV2 and I am happy. I am also attempting to clean out the disaster zone that used to be my room. Somehow I managed to scrape off the 3-week old remnants of a macaroni and cheese dinner from a Tupperware bowl. I also gave Rusty James some much-needed fresh water, and now I am sitting here doing my nails and eating strawberries (perhaps I shouldn't be doing the two at the same time?) and contemplating whether I should have that frozen pizza or the nice bit of grilled salmon I splurged on. Ah, choices.

I really like the new Dell commercial with the malevolent robot assaulting the man with a large candy cane. "Need a candy cane?" Man flinches. "I don't need a candy cane!" Robot whacks man with candy cane. "NEED A CANDY CANE?!" Heheheh.

And finally, if someone like John Mayer wrote me a song like "Your Body Is A Wonderland" I'd promptly have to kick him in his Sensitive Artist balls. Thank god Luke never refers to my tongue as "bubble gum" or my lips as "a pair of cherries." Mr. Mayer obviously hasn't been laid in a long, long time. [3:58 PM]

LOL, my roommate is afraid to go outside. I think this is the first time she's ever seen snow. She keeps staring out the window with a look of horror on her face.

This is really amusing. It shouldn't be, but it is. Oh well. [12:13 PM]

SNOW!!!!

Ah snow. Ah snow. It's so lovely. It's so pretty swirling around like little white dust flakes in the air with the winter wind currents, going up in backwards tornadoes into the sky and around everything and onto the ground and can you tell I love snow? I'm not going to class today; I think I deserve at least one Winter Weather Day Off. I do, however, have to venture outside to buy groceries as I have nothing to eat except a Sobe Orange Carrot drink and half a banana chip muffin. After I get back I am going to give myself a manicure, watch the Weather Channel, and feel cozy. Ta-ta. [11:26 AM]

tuesday, december 3

OK, it's got to be -15 degrees outside right now. I am really afraid to go out again. Between that and our maniacal radiator that heats the room to about 100F since we can't open the windows because it's so windy the windowpanes would fly off their hinges, I think I'm going to die from extreme-temperature exposure in, oh say about three days. Now I have to go hunt for a printer AND a Xerox machine so I can hand in this lab report which was apparently due last week as I was racing home on the train. I wonder how many more stupid mistakes I'll make before this fucking semester is over. [1:28 PM]

I can't believe this.

All my relatives are asking for my wish list for Christmas. And I can't think of a damn thing that I want.

Besides the obvious, of course. And they can't very well package him up and send him to me.

Why, why must my materialism fail me... [12:18 AM]

monday, december 2

This is the most utterly amazing demonstration of ridiculousness, insanity and barely-organized chaos I have ever seen in my life. [8:43 PM]

Well naturally, as is always the case in Sarah land, I narrowly averted disaster last night at around 12:30am by discovering I had a Psych paper, worth 15% of my grade, due at 3:30pm the next day. There was the requisite 5 minute panic session; then exhaustion set in; then resignation. I wrote two sentences, went to bed, got up at 8:15, wrote half, went to morning classes, came back, wrote the other half, and spent the next 45 minutes scouring the campus for an available computer hooked up to a printer. Apparently they're a valuable commodity at this point in the semester. Thank fuck for whatever random inclination led me to check the course website (I was looking for our last day of class so I could contemplate the idea of a lengthy winter break) despite the nasty surprise that ensued. Some days I kick myself for being such a moron.

In other news, I dropped off a roll of rather suggestive film at CVS today. I really, really hope the guy I left it with isn't the guy I pick up the prints from. Otherwise I may have to disguise my face.

And finally...the unthinkable: I've been contemplating getting my navel pierced. Gross, I know. And it might not even be possible, since my little belly button is kind of a roly-poly type intendation without much of a ridge on top. There's always the option of getting the bottom pierced, although I should probably go by a place first to see. And if I do get it done, that's at least half a year of cleaning and care and low-rise pants that don't make my belly fat lump up (OK, all my pants do that, unless I want to wear sweatpants for 6 months). But, I have two votes in the affirmative, and one of them is Luke's, who says that he "probably wouldn't be able to look at me with shorts and a belly button ring for very long before having to 'excuse himself'." So, I guess I'll have to research and think. It might be nice, a cute little decoration down there. And of course it might lead to scarring and massive infection. Ah, the life-or-death decisions we face. [6:33 PM]

So here I am again, 4 hours and 150 miles later; the room is about 90 degrees and my face is windburned and hot. Rusty James is thankfully still alive after his shameful neglect over the holidays. It was a long trip, cold, anti-scenic, with the bland vista of smoke-belching factories and naked trees scrolling past through the entire state of New Jersey. I feel almost sad, almost, that I had to come back to NY. Seeing friends was fun. Not having to work and worry about paying for meals was fun. Having my cat sit on my lap was fun. Reading Luke's old letters that he sent me way back in the spring of 2001 was really fun. But now I am here, and (blissfully) only three more weeks of school to go before the semester ends. I never really noticed it before, but I could use a break. Really use a break. I feel tired, not in body but in mind and spirit. I don't know why - well, I do know why - but I just wish I could lay my head down for a while and rest. The nights where I feel I miss him so much my heart will break are taking a toll on my ability to feel happy and enthusiastic about anything. Everything reminds me of him. Everything brings his memory back. It's so hard not to just break down and cry every night, and the only thing preventing me from doing so is the knowledge that it'll just make me feel worse. Certain things help: buying cute clothes I know he would like, watching movies I know he likes, listening to songs I know he likes. Even though the mere mention of Long Island will get my eyes teared up, doing things that make me feel close to him in some small way take some of the edge off. I just hope they're enough to keep me sane until...until God knows when. I wish I did. [12:11 AM]