friday, december 20

Sorry for the lack of updates around here recently; I've been busy getting stoned out of my mind, hauling Christmas trees through the front door, flirting with Luke 24/7 and oh yeah getting stoned out of my mind. Bless the intrepid pharmacologist who first synthesized hydrocodone. [10:23 PM]

thursday, december 19

Alrighty folks, Rusty James is all bottled up and ready to go and so am I. Wish me (and him) luck on the perilous holiday-season train journey home. Adios. [9:04 AM]

wednesday, december 18

I am currently in a semi-euphoric sort of state as I have finished my Psych final in an inordinately short period of time - I think it took me about a half hour to blaze through 70 multiple choice questions (yes, I like using the verb "blaze" in sentences) - I have since filled my belly with food, and am about to score some delicious weed. Yes, Ye Olde Village Highschooler Dealer has finally come through and decided to make up for his earlier transgression in the form of quality marijuana. A bit belated, but the effort's nonetheless appreciated. Luke also got in touch briefly and was so excited and happy because he bought me a Christmas present. His enthusiasm over this minor but exquisitely sweet gesture makes me feel all melty and warm inside.

I don't know why I'm being like the human thesaurus tonight but oh well I'm manic so deal with it. [6:37 PM]

Holy shit! Jane's Addiction is coming out with a new album and a world tour!

I gotta call Luke... [1:28 PM]

I am in the process of reading up for my final final (haha) in Abnormal Psych. I took one of the practice tests they provided on that ever-useful CD that came along with my way-too-expensive textbook, on the Personality Disorders chapter. I of course, having never looked at the chapter before, scored 100%. I find it somewhat troubling that I can score 100% on a test about personality disorders without reading the book, but I guess that just makes me special or something.

Divya is finished with her exams. Let me see if I can telepathically convince her to GO HOME now. [12:48 PM]

tuesday, december 17

Well wasn't today full of thrills and chills. It started out with my early morning crash study period being interrupted by the closed bathroom door rattling and banging away. My first thought was that somehow someone had gotten in - brilliant hypothesis Sarah, considering you're on the 11th floor (damn those gravity-defying burglars). I sat there on my bed staring at the thing for about five minutes debating whether or not I should open it or simply run from my room screaming for help. Once I mustered my courage it turned out that the bathroom window had blown open in the gale-force winds and was making the door act possessed. Exciting, huh?

Fast forward through the uneventful final exam which probably should have been a little more eventful than it was, this evening I ended up in one of NYU's fine dining establishments...i.e. the ground floor of Weinstein...and happened to notice the geekiest Oriental girl I have ever seen. Not that I have anything against geeks, I find I'm quite comfortable in their presence considering I am a geek and all myself. You just don't happen to see them very often around NYU. Maybe they're all in hiding. Or maybe they've been herded up and locked in the closet by a LGBT splinter group. Anyway, what should I notice as my wandering gaze encompassed the rest of the dining hall? An entire tray stacked with CHEESE. Glorious, heavenly chunks of cheese, shimmering like a mirage in the desert. Well maybe not shimmering but anyway. I went over and got one of those little white bags they use for bulk candy and filled it with as much cheese as I possibly could. Several people looked at me with an expression that obviously indicated they thought I was a lunatic that had wandered in from the cold. I think I walked out of there with a half pound of cheese.

I know I have cheese issues. I'm aware of this. I'm in therapy, making good progress. But still, with the food the university provides us, one can't blame a person for taking advantage of rare culinary opportunities. As I mentioned to Anthony and as I am now obligated to repeat, "Free cheese is the best cheese." [6:41 PM]

Aaaah! Panic! WTF has gone wrong with Stuka? Fear not, hapless citizens, I've just changed the layout. I am bored so I am allowed to do this. Theme (that is, eating junk) courtesy of the fabulous, sadly-defunct Six By Seven and their song "Eat Junk Become Junk." Which everyone should download. Immediately. PS: This layout apparently looks like shit in 800x600. Just so's you know. You have been warned. [2:37 PM]

One exam down, one to go.

And yes, I AM eating a donut. They are good. So there. [12:10 PM]

monday, december 16

It is 10:00 at night, and I am attempting to study for my Light & Color final which will transpire exactly twelve hours from now. I fear if I see the terms intensity distribution chart or chromacity diagram or reflectance curve once more I will go blind and then insane.

Someone has scribbled in pencil on this page of my textbook "Kathleen is clueless." Yes, and so is Sarah. Profoundly. [10:04 PM]

Brio, an NYU literary journal that I randomly submitted a few poems to in October - and also whose name suspiciously resembles that of a soft, mildly-flavored cheese - has decided to include my "piece" (I don't know which one they're referring to...hopefully not that godawful diatrabe on religion) in their Fall 2002 edition.

The above sentence wins the prize for the most clauses ever to be used in an English sentence, and I am officially a published author.

Hoorah. [4:19 PM]

I think I finally got to sleep around 7:30 this morning. It was after sunrise, I remember that. I remember the sick feeling you get when that acid light starts creeping through your closed eyelids and you realize you're never going to get any rest. I wish that this week were over, but I know there would be nothing to look forward to once the week is over. Nothing will change. Nothing gets better. I haven't heard his voice in a month, since my birthday. That was the last time I heard him talk to me. This vast unbridgeable gulf opens up in front of me and swallows up weeks and months and gives me nothing in return, not a smile, or a hug, or a kiss on the forehead. I am sick, I feel sick when I lie awake at night feeling like this. I'd rather die than feel this lonely. I'd rather do anything than to have to lie here, able to do nothing. I don't sleep, I don't eat, I only drink because I have to get rid of this Vitamin Water so I have a bottle to put my fish in when I drag him 100 miles to Pennsylvania. And what awaits me when I go there? More loneliness. It's just more of the same, it's just like high school. Carving up my shoulders because I wished, I wished someone would put their arms around those shoulders and I simultaneously knew that such a thing was impossible. I've got a great job, a great internship, it's great. But none of it matters if I can't share it with him. If I can't look into his eyes at some point and tell him about my day. I'd do anything just to hear his voice at this point, just for one minute. I'm so scared I've become so weak, and we have so far to go and so long to wait still. I know I am the one that has to be strong through this. There is no room to fuck up. But I'm so scared. And so tired. [2:28 PM]

sunday, december 15

There are some very angry, bitter people out there on the Internet. Some of whom have apparently nothing better to do than to write random emails to me accusing me of being prejudiced. It's unfortunate they have to choose my backwoods nobody-reads-this-fucking-site-anyway weblog as a target for their pent up vitriol, but hey if it makes you happy be my guest.

Oh yeah and guess what? I'm actually used to people judging and condemning me without even knowing who the fuck I am, so it's not original. You haven't shocked me into coherence or awareness. I'm not impressed by your furor. I have no time or energy to lament my shortcomings, my biases, my faults. If you think I'm a bad, evil person, go right ahead and think that. I don't take myself seriously enough to argue with you. [3:26 PM]

BWAHAHA!! I beat the 30000 mark in Snood! 30542 baby!

I know, I have no life. [1:13 AM]