January 27, 2004

I thot of this story idea on my way home from work today.

Story 1:

Some guy is walking with some girl through the residential part of Georgetown in the middle of a snow storm for some reason. It is night out, and very cold. There is no one else around.

They walk in the storm until they get to a street corner and stop. It is snowing hard.

“Hmmm… I think we may have missed a street, we may have wanted to make that last left,” says the guy.

“What do you mean? Are we lost?”

“No we’re not lost, but, with all this snow, it’s getting hard to tell where we are.”

“Listen, I want you to tell me straight, right now: will we make it home alive?”

The man was perplexed; the woman was totally serious.

After a short pause, “Uh, no, I guess we’ll just wander around here forever, until we die of hunger.”

“Oh my God!” she shrieked. “I knew I would end up dying like this. No! You better be able to get us home! Tell me you’ll get us out of here!”

The long corridor of streetlights illuminated the tears welled up under her eyes.

“What? No… yes we’ll get home. I mean, we may get a little frosty but... c’mon... I’ll get us home.”

The girl glared at him, “You don’t sound very confident - why don’t you think you can get us home - you got us this far - I think you should be able to get us home.”

“Look, I – ”

“Oh God! I can’t believe this! We’re stuck here in the middle of nowhere! We’re probably going to DIE out here! You can’t tell where we are, or where we’re going. There’s no people around! Oooh!”

Momentary silence.

She then gasps with a realization, “What if we get too hungry to move, and then wolves come after us?”

Another pause.

“What the fuck are you talking about, we’re in the middle of Georgetown!” He yells. “There are no wolves in Washington, DC”

“How would you know? You said yourself you don’t know where we are - there could be wolves here - there could be wolves here – a million miles from civilization.”

“Civilization! Miles! Jesus Christ, what the hell?!” He stares and points, “What do you call this? Huh? What do you call all these fucking buildings and roads and shit?”

“You said we were fucking lost!”

“We’re not lost, we’re in the god damn center of the free world. The fucking center of the universe!”

“We’re lost.”

“Listen bitch, you couldn’t get closer to civilization if you fell asleep, and woke up fucking the president of Europe.”

“Oh yeah, like the President of Europe would be hanging out, like, 10 blocks away from M street.”

The man stopped and though about what the woman just said. He also thought about the fact that it was dark, freezing cold, and that they were actually, kinda lost.

Accepting full responsibility for the situation and knowing full well that wolves would be descending upon them any minute, and made a decision.

He stabbed the woman to pieces and made kindling out of her remains.

“The fire will be a good deterrent form the wolves,” he thought as he warmed up at the deserted intersection of S and 37th street, “now all I have to do is stay alive long enough for the rescue squad to find me.”

Unfortunately the fire was not enough to scare away the Yeti, and the terrible monster feasted on his flesh until he was dead.

The End.