January 29, 2004

I thot of this story while at work today.

Steve came out of the bathroom and walked past the cooler where Rick was hanging out. A long strand of toilet paper was attached the to his heel.

“Hey asshole, way to leave a paper trail, dickhead!”

Steve calmly looked down at the TP stuck to his foot. “You know Rick, you shouldn’t make light of things like toilet paper, this is no laughing matter.”

“Hey relax chief, I’m just bustin your dingleberries, heh heh heh.”

“Yeah that’s very funny, but seriously, I know you like kid around, but when it comes to sanitary bathroom tissue, you really need to back off.”

“OK big shot, I’ll relax, just don’t bite my head off, heh heh heh heh.”

Steve Removes the TP and throws in the trash bin.

“So Steve, what have you been up to these days?”

“Well I’ve–”

“Getting toilet paper stuck your dumbass? Brahhahahahaha!!!”

“Dammit Rick I mean it! If you don’t stop this nonsense about the toilet tissue, something really bad is going to hap-”

“GRRRRAAAAAUUUUGGGGGGHH!!!!!!”

Steve and Rick jumped back. A mummy had just busted down the bathroom door and began to charge at both of them. The mummy was smashing file cabinets, bellowing and smelling.

Steve and Rick were screaming. Especially Rick.

But then the mummy stopped about 5 feet from Steve and Rick. He slowly pulled his hands up to his head and began to unravel is mummy wraps.

That’s when Steve and Rick realized it wasn’t mummy wrap that was falling off the creature and on to the floor, it was toilet paper. And that it wasn’t some creature either, it was Fenton, from accounting.

“Haha, good old Fenton. You had this planned all along, didn’t you?”

“Yes that’s right, Steven. And I hope you learned something from this, hmmm Rick?”

“Yeah I learned something allright. I learned that I should keep an extra pair of pants with me, I fuckin crapped myself Fenton you son of a bitch! Haha!”

“Very good, Rick, but now I have something else to teach you.”

That’s when Fenton reached up toward his head again, and pulled off his mask and clothes, revealing that underneath he was a real mummy after all.

Wasting no time, the mummy strangled Steve and Rick to death, and then made for their desks to recover the ancient Egyptian artifacts Steve and Rick had smuggled out of Cairo on their last business trip.

It was a lesson Steve and Rick would have been quick to learn had both of them not been quite dead.