mountains collapse in an elongated silence
of a song stricken flow of a river cut to lay
clouds take part in a tortured defiance
and i think of all that you say
and everything you don't
or everything you won't

----------------------------------------------------------------

us versus the world.

the world changes us
as the earth spins around
for that is what fools see
as for me, i tend to believe
we are the ones that change the world
not the other way around

----------------------------------------------------------------

sonnet vi

for the wind cares to fondle your hair
for the sun shines whenever you arrive
for the rain falls in times of despair
and reminds me at this time i am alive
the chaotic creation of genuine emotion
the ill-fitting puzzle of feelings true
the hint of fate and everlasting devotion
and hesitate and hinder of what to prove
a plead from me for this may be the one
a reminder that broken wings mend in time
a guilt still stands to think what i've done
and a hope for the best through our mime
one day there will be no contradictory why
and this balloon of hope will smoothly fly

----------------------------------------------------------------

as the dam of tears broke and burst
the rush of emotion flowed uncontrollably
it was one of those moments
that you feel truly vulnerable

----------------------------------------------------------------

the morning sun rises later today
a thunderous rain conceals the tears
horoscopes don't do today justice
and i'm tired and alone sitting here

----------------------------------------------------------------

we broke all the rules

----------------------------------------------------------------

you waited with me
in a strange way
and i didn't get to thank you

----------------------------------------------------------------

closer to the end
this is no time to bend
all the wrong to make right
this is not time to lose sight
this is my turn to walk
soon you will hear me talk
and you can sit on my back now
and i'll show you exactly how
when i bring us to the top
and i promise that i wont stop

----------------------------------------------------------------

my happiness is weighed by my sadness
this balloon's knot has been tied to a string
and i'm too high to find scissors to cut
this feeling inside that's causing a rut

----------------------------------------------------------------

you deal with yours
and i'll deal with mine
i just thought
what was mine was yours
and the same was true with yours

----------------------------------------------------------------

too much of this is stupid for us
this cannot make anything easier for us
and i can disguise this feeling so easily i fear
that what i am feeling isn't something i haven't let go

----------------------------------------------------------------

three words.

it would be an understatement
the way that i put it
and for some reason it's hard to say
even though it's legit

it's perhaps not the right time
that's my excuse
and certainty is a fall back for me
or time to reduce

maybe you'll hear it or maybe not
this is just a drought
until i let the three words
slip out of my mouth

----------------------------------------------------------------

voltaire, you sly devil you
you and your double-entendre clues
what we say is not what we do
either way today we'll learn something new

----------------------------------------------------------------

one day i will become they
but that does not mean
i will not be me

----------------------------------------------------------------

it's easy to be persuaded when you only listen to one side

----------------------------------------------------------------

everything is okay when i'm with you
and i hate to think so much when we are apart
because i think of things that have nothing to do
with anything and just hurts my heart

----------------------------------------------------------------

i apologize for the thoughts
from the things i hear
i thought it was for someone before
but i didnt realize the words that i heard
the words were for me
and i listened to the lyrics
although just a song
but i heard them loud and clear
and i felt something i didn't want
because i didn't realize they were for me

----------------------------------------------------------------

trap.

deceptively delicate
the tender flower sits
a soft angle, the sunlight hits
and a small fly buzzes forth
it can't help but move closer
and before he knew it
the delicate flower, so cute, snapped
removed her innocent mask
to reveal herself a venus flytrap

----------------------------------------------------------------

its weird to think about the things we do
those "special things" only between me and you
but to think that it's not really new
it's all been done before, just not by me and you

----------------------------------------------------------------

same song
different story

----------------------------------------------------------------

my secret weapon is concealed in subtlety
the lingo my lingo fortifying the single
secluded in a message protected invaluably
and forgotten you can be so easy for me
and even ruins fade and are stolen by thieves

----------------------------------------------------------------

the phone held tight in my outstretched hand
my eyes looking at your name ready to call
but a hesitant feeling overwhelms me and i
can't seem to push send this time at all

and i shouldn't even feel the way that i feel
i have never felt this way before
and i can't believe this feeling is real
but i know that i wish to feel this no more

----------------------------------------------------------------

and i think back to that day
way before we both felt this way
and the feeling was inappropriate
you know that as well as me
and i'm glad it was just that
or things may have been even worse
but maybe we have different ideas
or your master plan begins to leak
but an unsettling feeling for me
is i wonder if you do what we did to me

----------------------------------------------------------------

hesitant i am
my mouth fails to speak
your words slip your mind's thoughts
and i hear it loud and clear
you may not mean to let me know
but i can hear it so evident
you think of the past
and it's not always treated you well
but on the same token
i almost get the sense
that you do miss it as well
and there are things still on your mind
and of course the past is something
none of us can change
but why do i feel
it is controlling you
it is controlling me
and it may be controlling us

----------------------------------------------------------------

i miss you.
i miss you a lot.

----------------------------------------------------------------

why do we doubt
why do we question what's true
when did fiction factor into the non
when did we forget to smile
when did our voices become so different
and when can i hold you again

----------------------------------------------------------------

perhaps just a phase
this period of distant dismay
brings out the worse in both
is it stunting our growth

----------------------------------------------------------------

i am fueld by question. and drowning in confusion. my contradictory mind seeks balance.

----------------------------------------------------------------

the situation thus far you have stated
the status of our locations you contemplated
and i heard you speak of him as well as me
but did you forget about that inbetween

i don't give a shit for whatever he was
but there was some feeling and i worry because
although a stupid mistake it may have been
and a rebound or not or whatever it means

you now act as if it is now forgotten
and i'm the next one that you have chosen
like i told you so many times before
my biggest fear is to be nothing more

----------------------------------------------------------------

fear.

fear of this feeling i have never had
fear for you and fear for me
too much of a good thing can be bad
resonates in the back of my mind
and although it's just a saying
i fear it

----------------------------------------------------------------

the telephone works both ways

----------------------------------------------------------------

do you hold on to me
because you want to
or because you are afraid
that i will let go

----------------------------------------------------------------

everything is okay when i'm with you
and i hate to think so much when we are apart
because i think of things that have nothing to do
with anything and just hurts my heart

----------------------------------------------------------------

who do you see?

please do not question my motive,
when i say i want everything you have to give.
everything you, however big however small,
is it selfish to say that i want it all?

maybe it'll take some time,
to have us be on the exact same line.
but this space between us i wish to remove,
in doign so will let us improve.

but i must ask you if there's something i lack.
what is it that's holding you back?
is there a certain something that i am remind you of?
something you had wished to rise above?

if so, our concerns seem to coincide.
and we both see it even when we try to hide
the bits of insecurity that arise from nowhere,
and seem to poke into the things we share.

again my biggest fear is still the same,
however insignificant or however lame.
i wonder when you look at me
is it me, and only me, that you see?

----------------------------------------------------------------

two forty pm.

and the sun barely cuts through the blinds
it is the warmest day of the year thus far
and i'm inside laying by your sleeping side
outside is the most beautiful day in a while
but i'd be rather be here than outside
it's warmer next to you anyway
i can hear your soft breathe
accompanying your heartbeat as you dream away
your tiredness being cured
your unstressed mind resting
and i would be so lucky if you were dreaming of me
is this a slice of irreplaceable future company
or a bitter sample of what will be a mere memory
it's too early to say
even though i only like one answer
but one thing is for sure
i wish i could lay here forever

----------------------------------------------------------------

so many things to do
when all i want is to
spend some time with you

----------------------------------------------------------------

and just for a few seconds
our watches read the same time

----------------------------------------------------------------

stranger.

you were the stranger i always knew
our conversations grew almost intimate
and this we both knew

it seems the things we had to go through
was a prank pulled by time itself
and the irony of it all
is if we had to choose
i don't think we'd do it any different at all

the cryptic words and poems and what not
we might as well been writing in limerick
it took so long to finally say it
but i'm glad we were finally able to say it

in a strange way we are closer now
it just seems unfortunate
when it comes to this
that we both need to sacrifice to make things okay

maybe time will hold some answers or laugh again
but please believe me when i say
thank you for your understanding, thank you for everything
and although this silence will bring discomfort
maybe this is the best for everyone

you were the stranger i always knew
but it seems this cannot be
for you were the stranger i never met

----------------------------------------------------------------

stumbled on bliss.

grotesquely unstable
a crimson front of insatiable desire
a prominent drop of drips of sorts
an allegory of others
a fable of myths
we almost forget that we have
stumbled on bliss

----------------------------------------------------------------

before i leave.

an empty stare of irrelevant display
i stand holding you as the songs play
and together apart we stand timeless
wishing i could stay with you my sweetness

i listen to the lyrics
and think of what your presence inflicts
and i cannot think of what to think
or even think of what you think

and for a second my mind wanders
and i feel you bring me back
and you've brought me this comfort
so many times i cannot keep track

the lyrics do no justice
i wish i could hold you hostage
and realize what is truly important
while i hold on to this moment

----------------------------------------------------------------

frozen among the burning flames
the tears that envelope the burning dream
alone the silence shouting to see
the blindness forcing a roaring scream

----------------------------------------------------------------

writing is my pessimism
writing is my fear
writing is my insecurity
writing is my dismal ideas
put down to a place where they can leave me
and be nothing but a forgotten text
if my writings speak no happiness
please do not be afraid
i do not write my good emotions down
because it's those memories i like keep

----------------------------------------------------------------

your questions that i fail to answer
are questions that i do not know how to
ask yourself what you ask me
and see what your own reply would be
this time everything is different
for me at least
and maybe for you

----------------------------------------------------------------

what i remember.

i may not remember the exact time our lips touched
or the exact day our eyes met
i may not remember the exact number of stars in the sky
when we walked down the street hand in hand that time
i may not remember what you wore or how you had your hair
it's not that i didn't pay attention or didn't care
it didn't matter to me because you always look good
i may not remember the precise position of the sun
as we held each other so comfortable in warmth
wondering where we're going or how far we've gone
and i may not remember the exact words you say every night
but trust me i remember how much i care for you
every single day of my life

----------------------------------------------------------------

you say i'm vague
but i try not to be
it's just making yourself completely open
is something i've found hard to achieve
and even sometimes
i see the ambiguity in your words
and i wonder who those are intended for
so give me some time and speak to me
and i will try and answer more clearly

----------------------------------------------------------------

you know i'm as afraid of this as you are
i'm afraid everything won't work out
i'm afraid i have an image in my head that isn't true
i'm afraid that this isn't as true as i want it to be
i'm afraid of so many things
i'm afraid of the future, i'm afraid of the past
and with all this doubt and restriction
when i'm with you
i'm not so afraid anymore
and as cautious as i'd like to be
i would rather give you all of me and be hurt
than to be reserved and wish i would of given more

----------------------------------------------------------------

tear A falls just as fast as tear B
they weigh the same, they move the same
they look the same, and even taste the same
but tear A is a lot more painful i guarantee

----------------------------------------------------------------

i've played the game long enough
to know when people are playing
i've studied all the rules
and even written some myself
but with you
nothing is by the rules
and they don't seem to apply
maybe this confusion is caused by fear
and someday it will fade away

----------------------------------------------------------------

for you.

if i'm doing something wrong, tell me
if you idealized me and i'm not living up to it
forgive me
you are everything i could want
you are everything and more
and that ounce of doubt, that sense of fear
its starting to affect me and i wish you could hear
my heart beating so loudly only for you
and this time i really know it's true
open your heart and open your mind
i think we can both find
things will be okay just give it some time
even though i am scared too we have to accept
that neither of us are perfect i have to admit
but i still don't doubt us
even with the insecurities
we both may have to adjust
to fit in the impurities
but let's do this together instead of apart
and laugh as we pick at each other's heart
you know that discovery is the best part

----------------------------------------------------------------

magician's rule:
if you do the same trick over and over
someone will discover your secret

----------------------------------------------------------------

how can i be anything different
when all i've given you is me
why do you fear what we only touched upon
when there is so much more waiting
and it makes me question
whether i should give you everything now
or should i hold myself back
if you are afraid of things already
then maybe you are afraid of me

----------------------------------------------------------------

it's the small things
i have been told
that's why is it the small things
that i have begun to notice

----------------------------------------------------------------

starting things never gets you anywhere
starting things is good
but the most important part
is how you finish

----------------------------------------------------------------

irony sets in like a blade driving slowly in my head
the pain is unbearable but only pulled by gravity and time
and i would move only i'm afraid someone else will get cut
and you have picked up on the subtlety but choose to ignore it
things are not like they use to be
and we've both changed and grown
and sometimes an ounce of past shimmers through
and i almost lose myself laughing with you
but as much i wish to embrace it
i've chosen to let it go
i don't have the heart to say it to you straight up
but i think you know

----------------------------------------------------------------

things are different now
everything's changed
can't even talk like we use to and
no ones to blame

stop trying to decipher me
when everything is there
stop searching for answers
when everything is clear

your apologies mean nothing
i'm sorry to say
so let it go, i don't want to deal with it
at least not today

----------------------------------------------------------------

your words are better than mine
and its scary to know you know exactly how i feel
well if the situation is so obvious
then lets cut the subtlety
and all this that was or could have been
whatever, there's no point in chasing dying stars

----------------------------------------------------------------

what other method do i have
bluntness is my only choice
subtly was my defense mechanism
and i used it with all my strength
and you knew
you could see through it
you always did
you knew you knew
and you should of never doubted it

----------------------------------------------------------------

i accept change
sometimes more than anyone else
i adjust and i believe
but i also tend to leave
it's just the way that i happen to be
and it's easier to start again
than to act happy and pretend
not saying i'm acting or even close
i'm just afraid of history

----------------------------------------------------------------

i can't write a happy love poem
everything i write is filled with anguish and sadness
someone cure me from this ice cold front
the words come out but they tend to veer

----------------------------------------------------------------

scribbling frantically
like it really does anything
when maybe i should just speak my mind
instead of write and write
but i'm afraid for you to see
i'm too vulnerable when it comes to this

----------------------------------------------------------------

if it was never obvious enough
then i truly apologize
and maybe you were just an obsession
you saved me at a very strange time
but if you couldn't see through the subtleness
if you couldn't see me
than maybe it was never meant to be

----------------------------------------------------------------

as for another moment
i would sacrifice everything for you
and it seems nothing is too much
but on the contrary, i am questioning
if this is even worth it
and i don't know
i believe in being with you
but i wonder if you believe in the same
are your subtle clues your insecurities revealed
or are you trying to tell me something
open my eyes
i hate to have you see me like this
after all i'm suppose to be the strongest
i can fight away the demons from before
but i can't fight away this feeling

----------------------------------------------------------------

goldfish die in salt water

----------------------------------------------------------------

i was finally able to let you go
and as much as it hurt
i finally was able to let you know
the truth about how i feel
whatever happens now is beyond us
i take a breath of relief as i think back
you held me too long
and subtlety is now something that i lack
everything we had is now gone
and i'll miss you i really will
but understand that this is not my fault
and it's something i will never forgive you for
i never thought i'd be the one to bail out
but what can i do when you never opened the door
i'm not even sure what i was in it for

----------------------------------------------------------------

defeat.

i am in the middle of a war screaming peace.
and i'm taking every bullet from both sides.
i can't lose my composure at all,
but i'm about to be the first one to fall.

----------------------------------------------------------------

if i wouldn't have said the things that i said
maybe everything would've been different
but the feelings inside they wouldn't be dead
but maybe i was wrong and i should've been silent
and i'm sorry i guess i was just being selfish
and i don't know what to say now

----------------------------------------------------------------

there's no reasons for i'm sorry
you will always be my friend
and there is no exception
one day this will all make sense
and if not, well be old and senile
and nothing will make sense
and we can laugh like we use to
just remember that i said nothing will come between us
and i really mean it, nothing ever will
i just wish you would understand

----------------------------------------------------------------

my fault.

how can i not be the one to blame
when in the middle of everything is where i be
i have to say i am a little ashamed
and it doesn't really make any sense to me

it seems that i'm the one that caused it
i've been trying to make everyone happy
but it really doesn't mean shit
when whatever i do makes things crappy
and i just fall flat on my face
you know i'd do whatever it takes
to take away all your hurt and pain
and to see you smile even in the rain

the only people i've hurt are the ones i care about
sorry if i filled you with guilt and doubt
i really just don't want to see you pout
and if even if i could leave, you have become so important
that i can't just leave something that feels so potent

i'm so confused that its digging at my heart
i don't even know where to begin
if sorry could fix everything i'd say my part
but i don't even know what i'd be sorry about
it just happened like this
but for some reason i still feel its my fault

----------------------------------------------------------------

xanga has become the truest form
a truer demeanor of insipid ideals
our thoughts are left unspoken
but somewhere inside we both know

i left that trail of breadcrumbs for you
but i guess i was being foolish
now the crows have come and eaten them all
so quit looking, everything's gone
you'll never find you're way to me
i've walked too far so go, move on

i don't even know what to say
but i wish you the best of luck
and my only advice is to not stop by
the gingerbread house

if poetry is a way to the heart
i guess i should of quit a long time ago
writing has proved nothing
but makes it linger
and i have said my last goodbye too many times

----------------------------------------------------------------

and it makes me melt knowing that although
i'd give you all that i can give
you still love me even though right now
all i can give to you is me

----------------------------------------------------------------

a butterfly in the sky
with its wings spread
on its way up so high
you and i just connect
in a way like no other
i can't explain it
but i know its true
when your eyes meet mine

----------------------------------------------------------------

unspoken.

one day i stumbled on the darkest cave
i walked in slowly and i screamed your name
and i heard the sound as my voice echoed through
over and over, always sounding the same
but after a while i heard a a sound from you
and hearing your response, i started to gleam
knowing you're there and feeling your presence
but one day i decided not to scream
and i stood there listening to the sound of silence
and i began to wonder
was i being some kind of fool
not knowing life could be so cruel
i actually thought you'd call to me too
but i guess it was never you i thought so true
it was always only me standing alone
screaming like an idiot all on my own
were you ever even there at all
or was i just screaming at the walls
now im not really sure where to go
standing in this cave with no echo

----------------------------------------------------------------

you know that joke
that i thought only the two of us got
aparrently it wasnt that funny
or maybe i never got it all along

----------------------------------------------------------------

face forward
dont look behind you
because the sight will make you stay
you see the tears in her eyes
hidden behind her smile
your tears are coming out
but you cant let her see
you cant stay because you cant
not because you dont want to
but you cant

----------------------------------------------------------------

certain words carry different meanings
sometimes i can't seem to use them
because they remind me of memories
that i wish i could simply release

----------------------------------------------------------------

a half pail of sand
and a full mind of dreams
a castle that stands
and an ocean of sheer gleam

----------------------------------------------------------------

the tunnel is dark
and sometimes its hard to tell
if theres even a light at the end
a light that is suppose to be there
a light that you've only heard about
that people have promised
you keep walking because you believe
sometimes its really hard because you cant see
but what you dont realize is we are all here
walking blindly through this tunnel of fear
guided merely by this unseeable light
and the only way we can survive is to have might
please believe and walk with me
one day we will all be basking in the light
as long as we keep walking

----------------------------------------------------------------

never trust a pirate.

----------------------------------------------------------------

when you cried
i wiped away your tears
when you needed a shoulder
i always gave up mine
when you wanted to whine
i listened patiently
when he gave you shit
i took it away
when you doubted yourself
i told you it would be okay
but you decided to ignore me
and my hospitality wore thin
so dont come to me now

----------------------------------------------------------------

toy dinosaur.

with jaws so vicious the tiny toy dinosaur roared
sitting on your shelf with so much in store
looking back, it was either circumstance or just you
but it really doesn't even matter anymore

you broke this little dinosaur a long time ago
i guess his species could not last
because after all, he was just a toy
and that's all you treated him as

everyday he wished you would play with him
and he began to see, you were never his
and instead you shared your time with other toys
he never knew rejection could feel like this

and i hope it burns at you and eats at you
to know that now he would rather stay away
because he found something better
and you don't deserve his company anyway

the tiny toy dinosaur is nothing but a memory extinct
and i know it's hard for you to see
but maybe a million years from now, under all the rubble
you'll finally find, a fossil of me

----------------------------------------------------------------

in the infinity of space
there must be two pieces of this cosmic puzzle that fit perfectly
and i think i finally caught my shooting star

----------------------------------------------------------------

foolishly prominent,
and decoratively abundant,
i assume no mobility in this hyper-suspended moment.
tomorrow cannot come sooner,
my mind wanders,
my mind strolls down the road of possibilities,
and i stupidly dwell too long on the various paths.
i think too much about every word you say,
and every word you don't.
after all what am i suppose to rely on.

----------------------------------------------------------------

i'm so pathetic
i've thought of many ways to make you pay
for all the pain you've made me feel
i've thought of so many things that i can say
for all the hurt i've had to go through

i'm so pathetic
because when it finally comes down to it
i become silent and do not act
because when the chance finally comes
all i can think about is not hurting you

----------------------------------------------------------------

i can be here forever waiting until you fall asleep
a pillow of love between our sleepy heads
your whispers tickling my unsuspecting ear
and your gentle warmth making me feel comfortable

your eyes are closed but your smile shines
and i can't help but to smile back
our giggles are childish but not much as you
and i can't help but laugh to that

----------------------------------------------------------------

it snowed today
the gentle kind
that seem to float forever
and the crisp cool air
was refreshing
because the world is so beautiful

----------------------------------------------------------------

i think about you everyday
and even though we don't see each other, it's okay
we'll make it through another day
no matter what they have to say
and i know we'll go through our trouble
but as long as we're together
we'll make it through the struggle
and sometimes it seems i missing you so much
that i can't bear it and i need to feel your touch
but the best feeling in the world comes when i think of you
and to know at the same time you're thinking of me too
i want to be your man, i want to hold you hand
i want to make some plans
and watch you smile at the beach laying in the sand
i know that love will bring us pain and strife
but i also know i don't want you out of my life
so whatever comes we'll have to take a chance
and like i told you in advance
i don't know many things
i don't know what the future brings
and sometimes because we are so far we both feel stuck
but i do know that we do bring each other so much luck
so whatever comes i thing we can find a way
to make everything better than yesterday
its hard not being able to see each other for so long
but as long as we stay strong
i don't see how we can fall apart, it'd be so wrong
im not saying this because i'm scared or have doubt
it's just i worry because not everything always works out
and losing you is something i cannot bear
the future has become my biggest fear
but with all this said i'm very happy inside
because no matter what happens
the only thing i need is you by my side

----------------------------------------------------------------

wonder why.

i don't want to look back and wonder why
no matter how much trouble it may cause
because without you i can't see the sky
and i never don't want to say goodbye
thinking back of what was

circumstances have clouded our perception
and things can't seem harder than this
but the answer is clear with inspection
seeing your eyes with such affection
and mine, aligning perfectly in bliss

and they say love is easy
they say the world cannot stop you
but experience has shown such boundary
and the world is against you and me
how strong are we, i'm asking you

i don't want to look back and wonder why
no matter how much trouble we may be
without you i feel so deprived
i need you here, i need you nearby
maybe it is as simple as you and me

----------------------------------------------------------------

if it was only so easy
to believe out of sight was out of mind
i can't keep thinking you need me
and i don't want to patience to wait for time
because it has done nothing for me
i wish i could live in this dream i miss
holding you as you fall asleep
seeing you smile and feeling your kiss

----------------------------------------------------------------

i like this song.
i like it a lot.
if we had a song, this may be it.
and i wish it could play forever.

----------------------------------------------------------------

goodbye 2004.

2004, i am leaving you behind
for circumstances have lead us this way
i'm sorry i didn't try hard enough before
but, you know, i did try my hardest
and it was you who left me broken and torn

2004, 2004
why are you such a fucking whore

it doesn't matter now
its time for a change
it seems such a waste of time we have made
but lets erase yesterday with tomorrow
because i'm sorry 2004
i cannot take this anymore
this is the beginning of the rest of my life
and i'm replacing you with 2005

----------------------------------------------------------------

i cant discern this feeling inside
the feeling that i i cant decide
am what i am feeling for you so true
what am i suppose to do

----------------------------------------------------------------

i miss the times when we played as kids
kicking buckets on the streets with no man
telling us what to do or which way to go
as we built forts and made snowmans

bringing time to a submissive kneel
we ran around in childish play
not a thing on our minds or a care in the world
dreaming and laughing the day away

pretending this moment was the one and only
and the future had no obstacles just open
no thought, no stress, no tests
and our actions and play so potent

i shutter for a thought of peace or a smile
but everything’s changed now just not for this while

----------------------------------------------------------------

21

and it seems it should go with some monumental moment
until i realize the feeling subsides and i'm left here
still broken half attentive and merely twenty one
a figure of a century of something i may never know
i am mature enough to be here now
but then again i will never be quite old enough

thank you for your birthday wishes
i sincerely take it to heart
and i promise with every single dying step
i will continue to shine

----------------------------------------------------------------

sonnet v

once distraught a formation in disguise
an igloo of mirrors so blinding in deceit
you came with your muse and your mise
and left me alone without a receipt
cold and alone in an igloo of me
surrounded solely by a memory of you
somehow you are all that i see
and i want to forget all that you do
cold and alone in an igloo of me
a single thought fails out of tune
i cannot decipher the code of retreat
as the night glimmers under the moon
break down this damned igloo of me
there is no we and i do not believe

----------------------------------------------------------------

this is me.

this is me reminding myself
of a time we were
of a time long gone
of a time now over

this is me believing in us
for far too long
for far too stupid
for far too strong

this is me forgetting you
and your stupid face
and your stupid walk
and your stupid embrace

this is me missing you
and all the laughter together
and all the secrets we had
and all the hopes for the future

and this is me spilling my heart out

----------------------------------------------------------------

opus.

alone an instrument plays
among a symphony of grandness
and alone a sound it makes
so loud with pride and emotion

and plays its music so beautifully
the reverb off the walls
sending heart, creating chills
that no one dares to move

alone an instrument plays
without any help at all
a song so true in a way
no one would believe it small

----------------------------------------------------------------

the world shutters
and a pass and it's gone
open for too long
and a pass and it's gone

no one knows the trouble
and no one cares to seek
i am not willing to let you go
but it seems you have already

the sting of a thousand pains
as a thin cut from a blade of grass
and my heart is destroyed beyond ashes
inside there must be a trickle of red
because my heart cries
and i can only hope
with a pass, it'll be gone

----------------------------------------------------------------

rebound.

what part of me makes it so easy to believe
that i am the one so easy to achieve
but only at times of down and doubt
for what do i mean to you when it's all played out

i think after a time of hardship and breakup
it's easy to let go and be open and so on
perhaps that's the reason i'm always the one
who ends up being the one for fun

or maybe i am just too stupid
and i perceive too much for me to be
and all i am
is good enough
at times of turmoiled desperation

----------------------------------------------------------------

3AM.

and on a night like this
all i can do is think of you
and think of if
you think of me too

what have we let slip away
why does everything always go away
when will this pain finally end
and what am i even supposed to say

----------------------------------------------------------------

how true can this moment seem
for an instance of you isn't without
and the rythm that clicks notices a beat
i am not sure how to show belated emotion

you are my support and my escape
but now everything has founded nothing
i felt a moment between us
and maybe you felt it too

sampling only brings a bad aftertaste
and i have moved on to the purchase
deciding carefully what to do
but it's at this point i have never been
lost without a sense of anything
and hoping you would come back to me

----------------------------------------------------------------

and it comes down to this
with you
i am drunk with love
without you
i am drunk and falling
and falling
but oddly it helps
drinking away the misery

----------------------------------------------------------------

you were not all that i was waiting for
heed the words so carefully
i am not the one you are waiting for either
cruel as fate is
even fate has its boundaries
and you have broken them
and broken me
and we are no longer

----------------------------------------------------------------

i like you
and
you like me

----------------------------------------------------------------

i have not yet known a sense of security
i am not what you think and i can admit it
i have created a world around me which seems balanced
and yet under the surface there is no foundation

a created dream on a floating cloud
dissapating slowly by the truth
since small i guess i never could connect
i was always your friend but never close enough

i can adapt and i can change quick
a stupid skill to have when you can't be happy
and i have never felt at home
and im sorry this is the reason i push you away
because i am scared
i am so fucking scared
and the easiet way i've learned is to move on
and go away

like the demon inside breathing fire forever
i can no longer ease the pain and cannot face it
for i am enveloped with insecurity
and that is the truth

----------------------------------------------------------------

sonnet iv

involve me for once in this party of sorts
and leave without the balloons of abandonment
i am not letting go of this season of courts
play along for a while for a little fulfillment
let's dance and drink and smile and sing
for this time will pass but not for a while
until what the morning has to bring
so dance and sing and drink and smile
enjoy the fruits and sip the wine
soon we'll find that all is gone
and little is left for us to dine
an evening of laughs washed away by dawn
involve me for once in this gathering of joy
and smile and dance when it's time to enjoy

----------------------------------------------------------------

i love to find the words to make you smile
and to sing the sweet songs to make you laugh
i like to make faces all day until my face hurts
knowing by doing so you are a little more happy
and i don't mind the pain or trouble that
these things sometimes cause
and i don't mind the wait
the more you find the less i know
and the more you know the less i find
in you
and it seems awkward as if it was always there
but slipping
and so close to believe that we were
and yet not even there anymore

----------------------------------------------------------------

the last.

i wrote a hundred poems for you
and this one's the last
i've said it hundred times
that this one's the last
you made me so happy
that i thought it would last
but you left me broken
on the beach as waves crash
and again im here writing a poem for you
promising myself
that this one's the last

no one knows this form of anxiety,
i form an idea so quick to fade.
we once were something other than this,
and i was always too concave.

----------------------------------------------------------------

forget.
achieve.
i am not
ready,
to believe.

----------------------------------------------------------------

sonnet iii

little window my patio outside
sun seeps slowly into my humble home
little window how you have been denied
clouds who cover and away as they roam
forget today after comes tomorrow
a glimpse of hope and of future promise
hidden inside with a secret sorrow
wandering around so long and aimless
condense this solitude for a minute
condense this hollow for just a while
free my soul and this painful limit
store this feeling with perpetual guile
for the hope of something may just come through
and perhaps just maybe it could be you

----------------------------------------------------------------

heaven help me
heaven if you would please
i know it's not your job
and free will is my liberty
but i believe that somehow
i still need
a little help from you for me
or just some guidance for me to see
some light at the end of the tunnel
or just any light at all

----------------------------------------------------------------

and even the closest things seem so far
a crumbled castle of forgotten dreams
a humbled king who lost all power
for a world alone in no bigger

----------------------------------------------------------------

behind a mirror i can still see you in me
the remnents of some kind of moment still lingers
and i cannot forget
and i cannot forget
i may not have been and you may not be either
but from what i know i was charging so fast
and you lying there asleep still beautiful
gave me no chance for your actions are beyond mine
and my shining armor is hanging in the closet
and i sold that fucking white horse

----------------------------------------------------------------

sonnet ii

seeking a rhythm to write
we are all waiting to find
a rhythm that comes with might
somewhat unique of a kind
and the quest for us to seek
is experience of life
and the time that seems so bleak
that comes so much pain and strife
only peeked by happiness
we do our part, our portion
our rhythm form so priceless
when are finally done
we smile or cry, sometimes both
and reflect upon our undeniable growth

----------------------------------------------------------------

the best things in this world have been said, it's just a matter of who you say it to now.

----------------------------------------------------------------

i think i made a wish
and somehow it came true
but not true all the way
for i am still missing you
i think i asked for too much
or maybe i asked for too little

----------------------------------------------------------------

sonnet i

recall those nights of a simple comfort,
those routine moments that fortified some.
and recall the moment came no alert,
that which i pleaded to never come.
a martyr of saints of regal born fate,
you flail the idea of my pure request.
even possession can become a hate,
someday i may look back on this, at best.
forget the idea of timid regress,
our paths have now crossed, so leave it behind.
there was no trail and no chance to progress,
let it be or not, if you so incline.
but wave, so i can at least see you once.
before it becomes a mere past instance.

----------------------------------------------------------------

don't blind yourself with someone you like,
because you'll lose sight of the people who like you.

----------------------------------------------------------------

a picture perfect pan
and i track back half a step
i realized what i lost
and it haunts me
time speeds up
and i cannot keep up
anymore

----------------------------------------------------------------

motherly.

i'm sorry for the hardest times we both went through
i'm sorry that i couldn't grow up a little faster
your lessons were taught but i didn't listen
and now i'm trying to remember all that's so

i know you weren't trying to make me mad
i didn't understand you were always like that
i know you weren't trying to make me sad
i know you weren't trying to be like dad

you were trying to raise a man
and looking back i wonder if i made you proud
and i'm waiting for a chance to say it loud
thank you so much for your guiding hand

----------------------------------------------------------------

breathing slowly,
i listen to the third level theme music from ninja gaiden 2.
and i could probably walk half a mile without stopping.
but i am kinda tired right now.

----------------------------------------------------------------

silence.
just please.
breathe.
just breathe.
what can be more than now?
what can mean more than how?
value.
please value.
and cherish.
for once.
fortune is not free,
and this meal is not on me.

----------------------------------------------------------------

naive.

everything i have said about you
was everything i always dreamed
i never had a doubt
and it was always true

but looking from afar
i didn't even notice
that everything she said to me
was everything she always dreamed
and it was always true

when did i forget my own words
when will i start listening to myself
i didn't forget about you
i've just been very foolish

----------------------------------------------------------------

they defiled the gate
and you burned them down
and now we are involved
do you hear the sounds

----------------------------------------------------------------

my way.

aparently a poet i cannot be
for i am not one for distinctive verse
personification, hyperbole, similie
knowledge of language about to burst

broken are rules that are made to deal
but how can there be such rules at all
this language i know and i know what i feel
expression is the goal so fall wall fall

----------------------------------------------------------------

company does not mean comfort
i remember the daily routine
walking back to my deslote void
i hinder at the thought of now
and where i was before

----------------------------------------------------------------

this game is retarded
and i have stopped playing
and sometimes it seems a little lonely
no excitement
but i know it's gotta stop
and everything will be better someday

----------------------------------------------------------------

the stars can't shine forever
but if they could
i think they'd shine on you

----------------------------------------------------------------

dr. seuss night.

i can write a poem tonight,
tonight i can write all night.
night tonight and i feel alright,
alright is what i feel tonight.
tonight i can write a poem so bright,
bright enough to bring to light,
light enough to bring to sight,
sight for all to see my might.
might just go out and fly a kite,
kites are cool when they get some height,
height from wind that blows at night,
night tonight put up a fight,
fight tonight for what is right,
right you are and be tonight.

----------------------------------------------------------------

us: a haiku

we were almost there
or at least i liked to hope
maybe you did not

----------------------------------------------------------------

forgiveness and second chances
special deals and other offers
im sorry for my brash decision
but now it's entirely on you

----------------------------------------------------------------

lucidly based on a truth
an ensemble of characters
i only know by first name
dwell upon the fact
that we are not true friends
we just aren't enemies

----------------------------------------------------------------

we were like a jigsaw puzzle
finished from the start
each piece fitting perfectly
too strong to fall apart
but you stopped holding on
and it tore us apart
and you never gave back
all the pieces of my heart

----------------------------------------------------------------

do what you do
the way that you do
and one day
they'll see

----------------------------------------------------------------

i was so determined.
smelly fresh, minted breathe,
funny smile, timid stance,
nicely dressed, and still smiling.
eagerly waiting or wistfully hoping,
and
it
never
was.

the worst pain is not from what will be,
but from what has been.
and knowing no matter what i do,
i cannot go back.

----------------------------------------------------------------

stranded by a feeling
i never wish to feel
and the more my heart closes
the closer it enters
and this is not what i want
and this is not what i feel

----------------------------------------------------------------

patience is boring

----------------------------------------------------------------

you have me on a string
and i cannot seperate
we are too close
but still apart
release me
please

----------------------------------------------------------------

you offend me with your words
the tender voice now so cold
i use to long for so much
and i cannot bear to face the silence
but your noise has no healing

----------------------------------------------------------------

we are.

we are too similar
and you know me too well
beyond our persona of stillness
we are lost
and lonely
and you see that in me
as i see that in you

and for some outlandish reason
the facade of control
bears no meaning between us
but has drawn a definitive line
that we cannot cross
leaving us lost
and lonely

----------------------------------------------------------------

who do you think about when the skies get dark
who do you think about lying alone in bed
who do you think about in the silence of night
who do you miss when the rain falls hard
who do you miss when you think of regret
who do you miss when you find it hard to go on

and why do you hesitate so long in this phase of absense

----------------------------------------------------------------

to regard with envy
thou retched burrow
hath not without
an ounce of sorrow

----------------------------------------------------------------

we are but torched souls walking a plain of illusioned happiness.

----------------------------------------------------------------

you are my bad habit
i cant seem to break
im longing for the sound of your voice
and the touch of your smile
the warmth of your heart
and the laughter you bring
cure me from this pain
you have brought

----------------------------------------------------------------

and down and down you go.
when you got nowhere to go but down,
you might as well see how far the hole goes.

----------------------------------------------------------------

island.

the departure was faster that i ever imagined
but we set sail on a vessel of love
the mast stood strong through the turbulence
and i found myself wishing for more

the sunrise never looked so beautiful
upon the endless horizon of blues and reds
only surpassed by the sunset
which brought about the endless twilight

and the night shined so bright
for every star gave me reason
to believe in us
to be forever

but a dream is but a dream
somehow i was foolishly hoping it would last
i guess the sails went down
or maybe the winds stopped blowing

suddenly
i find myself marooned on an island without you

----------------------------------------------------------------

the days have been raining
harder than ever before
it seems like its showing
what my heart is truly feeling

----------------------------------------------------------------

and you held my hand.

i never believed in us
i have to confess
i never believed in me
but i always believed in you
and you held my hand.

since the first time i saw you
every single day gets better
you make all the wrong seem ok
and the right seem perfect
you make the sun come out
and you held my hand.

and through the hardest times
i looked everywhere for someone
and you held my hand
even when i doubted myself
you held my hand
and even when i gave up
you held my hand

and i can only wish that
i am always here for you
and i know i am the luckiest
because you made me believe
you showed me love
and it's all
because of you
holding my hand.

----------------------------------------------------------------

innovators don't do things to be different, innovators do things differently.

----------------------------------------------------------------

you never gave us a chance to collect dust.

----------------------------------------------------------------

id rather say hello than goodbye
id rather say maybe than never
im not here to make you smile
im here to make you laugh

----------------------------------------------------------------

is today.

will today be sunnier than yesterday?
will today be a little happier than before?
will today be the day that i will finally say to you how i feel?
will today be the day i break free?
will today be the day i look back on and say

today was the day...

well, is today the day?

----------------------------------------------------------------

i am glass.

we are all self conscious
we are constantly reminded of ourselves
of how human we are
and how artificial the world is
i am glass
and i can break

----------------------------------------------------------------

whisper a word to me, so silently i take it as as nothing
only until its missing, i realize there was something
and i'd fight for anything to be back
for the sound of calm

----------------------------------------------------------------

somethings never fade away
the more you try and forget
the harder it rebounds

easy to overlook the fact
that i still love you
and you may even love me too

----------------------------------------------------------------

i forgot how much.

i guess the lines dont run anymore
i guess the pictures don't help
i guess it doesnt matter
i guess it never did

i guess it's easy to oversee
that nothing lasts forever
but nothing truly fades
and i'll make a run at it
but it may be already gone

and i guess we don't think
that the grass was green enough
and we could go back
i'll meet you in the middle
hell, i'll even come get you
just remind me how

too bad if i was strong enough
i could leave it all behind

----------------------------------------------------------------

that phrase
"if you love something, let it go.
if it comes back to you, it's yours forever.
otherwise it was never meant to be"
is bullshit
when you are the one that keeps going back.

----------------------------------------------------------------

live by the moment
not by the moments past
or the moments to come

i can't.
i'm sorry.

----------------------------------------------------------------

coin.

a nickle lies on my bathroom floor,
upsetting the pattern of the tiles below.
what is a nickle doing in my bathroom?
what journeys have led it to such a mundane place?
dull it is,
but yet its place is too.

----------------------------------------------------------------

if you're better at pretending than everyone else, you might just play the part.

----------------------------------------------------------------

trust me.

it was more than came out
but yet so subtle
and for some reason
some amative reason
fear or nervousness
the message changed
and you who disparaged the idea
misunderstood everything

----------------------------------------------------------------

swing.

and on the third time,
i swung with all my will.
i swung with all my heart.
they say the third times the charm,
but only if you connect i guess.
because if you miss,
then that's three strikes,
and you're out.

----------------------------------------------------------------

the indicator has been on for a while. maybe i've been ignoring it. maybe i'm trying to ignore it. i haven't started swirving but i'm close. i've been paying too much attention to the journey to realize maybe it's okay to pull over. but im going so fast, i can't stop. i'll get lost. i'll fall behind. i guess i'll see how far i can go without stopping, but i sure as hell could use some fuel.

----------------------------------------------------------------

lets go on an adventure.

oceans away
but truly meant to be
sometimes it seems
that there is no search
there is no destiny

distance isn't for the weak
but that doesn't mean anything
when you never had a chance

because fate may in fact be the greatest tragedy of all

----------------------------------------------------------------

upon the ants marching
the cumulonimbus marshmallow
floats and floats
and it clothes us
i want to squish them
i want to jump on them
i want to feel it in the spaces between my toes
and closing my eyes
i want to see true comfort
i wish i could stand so

----------------------------------------------------------------

when the caffine wears out, the only thing left is will.

----------------------------------------------------------------

with his back against the ropes he faces forward
and takes the blows at full force
one at a time
one at a time
he may not be the winner
but hes not going to fall
he tells himself
he's not going to fall

----------------------------------------------------------------

you don't impress me with your big words
you don't impress me with your halfass attempt to write poetry
yes poetry is poetry, but that is not you
you don't impress me with your lack of humbleness
and your self-indulgent attitude that you are the only one
your mediocre work ethic that i try hard so i am good
you don't impress me
because i can see through you
and yet...

some people can't.

----------------------------------------------------------------

you shouldn't be proud when you work hard, you should be ashamed when you don't.

----------------------------------------------------------------

bricks are heavier than wood, but they only sink.

----------------------------------------------------------------

the story of us.

it seemed like a fairy tale
too good to be true
a hopeless romantic's dream
we would finally go through

but as the chapter continued
with the best part ahead
somehow it ended
and the next one began

i thought we could write a novel
little did i know it would fall short
and the real tragedy wasn't the ending
but the fact we never had a beginning

and in the end there was no happily ever after
somehow it ended with once upon a time

----------------------------------------------------------------

years gone by
i wonder
how we stayed apart for so long
then i remembered
it was a dream that i once had
and i never had you all along

guess i was just waiting for something
that didn't ever have a chance to be
maybe i never really gave up
and i just wanted you here with me

----------------------------------------------------------------

don't forget me.

time to go away for a bit,
and ill be around,
hanging on while trying not to slip off the face of the world.
hold on to me,
because i have to let go for a bit.
i have to.
and i'll be back, better than ever.
just please hold on and don't forget.
because i won't.

----------------------------------------------------------------

my valentine.

i carried a heart shaped box, with your name on it
to your door and waited for you
inside was our world
just waiting to be opened

and as i stood there, trying to find the words to say
trying to gather some courage
i couldn't help but think
of the what if's
and the mere thought of upsetting you
would destroy me

but i rang your doorbell
and for whatever reason
you never came
and i waited and waited

but finally
i took the heart shaped box
and i smashed it
i smashed it

and as i walked away i saw you through your window, crying
and i started to cry
two lonesome hearts
fueling the anguish

and i'm sorry i said, standing there
im sorry my valentine
there will be no heart shaped anything today

----------------------------------------------------------------

writing is an insomniac's nightmare

----------------------------------------------------------------

my requiem.

angels sing under the blackened skies
a single rose wilts so beautifully
the stars have never seemed so far
and only i am crying

barren trees curl into the darkness
the countdown ends and there in nothing
people once friends never show up
and the sky cries for me

blind puddles incapable of splatter
a tortured sensation rips me apart
blessed be thy name i am sorry
and even hope deceives

taunted wisdom or swindled freedom
passion forces and i cannot fold
for a dream is a but a dream unless
crease the heavy paper stock

i am not ready.

----------------------------------------------------------------

closure.

a section of heart,
and a hundred thousand smiles.
a hundredth of a beat,
merriment for a while.

with gratitude and a nod:
thank you and your welcome.
and your etiquette changed,
i'm not saying thank you anymore.

i asked.
i offered.
and for whatever reason,
you didn't care.

they say rejection is but a second,
and wondering is forever.
they fail to mention,
rejection can also last forever.

your happy design of us,
abruptly crashing on itself.
you refuse to admit it,
but i know the dejection,
it knows me well too.

deletion is only a beginning,
erasing in only the start,
forgetting is next.
and this is me saying goodbye.
and i will never understand why.

----------------------------------------------------------------

the way i speak to you
with a certain type of formality
that i can't put a finger on
perhaps we are both to blame

----------------------------------------------------------------

i think you were just my imagination. or maybe just the concept of us.

----------------------------------------------------------------

we shared a moment between us
and this feeling seemed so blinding
i never would have thought
it was all a misunderstanding

----------------------------------------------------------------

10.14.04

the sound of second echoed loudly
i could barely conceal my smile
a sudden rush blew up inside me
and i clutched hands with excitement

----------------------------------------------------------------

heal.

a gentle graze i slipped mindlessly beyond
and the voice that resembles a hypnotists bleeds into my ear
i drift away and fall and fall
with a weak attempt i humor the idea that some residual rememberance
of a lesson taught and a book read
demandance of power and control of words leads further i hope

----------------------------------------------------------------

imprisoned into a purple hue suddenly confronted by a dollyless appearance
who shatters a simple reply and inquires for a bit of fermented desire
tedious endeavors of plans and imagined scenerios of a sunshine mind
character is built and careers progressed but a feeling postponed

----------------------------------------------------------------

art is the allusion of science

----------------------------------------------------------------

ankles bound
and called to duty
i release my experience
of which comes slim
but its worth a share
if you even care

----------------------------------------------------------------

i felt my toes in the warmth of the pacific
under an expansive sky so divine
and i watched as tiny fishes of all kind swim by
carefree and happy

----------------------------------------------------------------

i fall hard.
over and over again.
but i am optimistic
and it keeps me going.

----------------------------------------------------------------

irony settles an unsightly manner
for we are together in a world apart
drinking in misery to forget each other
in hopes out of a drunken lonliness
one of us will finally call

----------------------------------------------------------------

f anthem.

all the cock teasers and heart stealers
the block stoppers and flock seekers
those bought boys who got dome
those taunt hoes who got bones
who morbidly pry to fake cry
and need you to feel true
yet rob you from whats new
ive had enough of this empty stuff
and for once you changed
making me a little insane
but i see your tricks so delic's
fuck you, you can suck my dick
ive moved on to something better
a little more clearer
and a little bit higher
enough of these bitches and whores
i found something worth waiting for

----------------------------------------------------------------

temporary friends.

lonesome willows so bright with frost
holy winters that come so fast
a bitter temperature too cold at last
a season gone and a season passed

obsession regards a conception of you
abusing me for some kind of happiness
escaping between a developed sense of bliss
or maybe i was just the temporary fool

and all this time we have been bending
even with my conscious effort to forget
a subtle warmth still stays abet
im telling a story with no ending

or maybe there was never a beginning

----------------------------------------------------------------

i'll tickle you until you smile
i'll say words of comfort when you cry
and i'll hold you until you stop
but open your eyes please
you say it literally i mean it figuratively
regardless i am not a fucking shoulder
and yet
persistence will be the biggest payoff
or the greatest downfall
and i only hope saying i believe
means something
or at least is motivation
to face the day

----------------------------------------------------------------

and hearing words you speak so fondly
i can only hope its me you're speaking of
and allowing my imagination to take me over
the fantasy that i wish were true
but i know it's not and it's not you

----------------------------------------------------------------

when did separation go from being a joke to fear
when did love go from being true to a photograph
when did the future become so dark with regret
and when did you leave from embrace to a laugh

----------------------------------------------------------------

motivation.

another day has gone by
all of a sudden it's night
i guess i could of put up
a little more of a fight

my time i will never see
never hear, never breathe
my time that's so precious
now it's gone forever

i guess i need to focus
i guess i should try
i should tell myself how
and ask myself why

i need someone to guide me
to guide me to the light
but all that i got is myself
and maybe a little might

----------------------------------------------------------------

i am almost ready
allow me some more time
then pass the torch
and watch me run
you are tired
and i am almost ready
watch me run
you've watched me grow
now it's my turn
and i am almost ready

----------------------------------------------------------------

open a can of cupidity,
and claim this world,
be aware of the stupidity,
or be slowly twirled.

organic songs play so,
continue until you fall,
stand back up and go,
and someday you'll have it all.

----------------------------------------------------------------

the awkward ha without the other
and i laugh it off
being close to you is now an excuse
and without a reason
forgiveness is just a disguise
not an applause
clapping triumphantly for separation
we cannot proceed
let go and stop pretending
there is no me in us

----------------------------------------------------------------

the number 100 resonated so long
an arbitrary substance given a figure
and you are still hiding
somewhere maybe you lied and i forgot
and now the truth may come through
afraid you hide so indecisively
barking bravely at my dumbstruck search
you know expectations are already over
and this game should end before i quit

----------------------------------------------------------------

progression happens without force,
initiative happens with determination.
progression is natural,
initiative is motivational.
it is only when initiative surpasses progression
that you can force progression.

----------------------------------------------------------------

a night of infomercials
too impulsive yet lazy to buy all
special time to purchase too
only a few easy payments of something ninety nine
i can do it all
with one simple dial
i am rich
i am rich

----------------------------------------------------------------

never have i wanted to smoke a cigarette more than tonight
a lone night eyes closed sucking a filter with every breathe
i could live forever in this cancer progressing state
stop talking to me i don't want to hear it
stop asking me questions i don't want to answer
i don't know what's wrong but i have a feeling its you

----------------------------------------------------------------

suddenly.

with barely a word,
you made me happy.
and with another few,
you broke my heart.

when will i let go,
like i've promised so many times.
a half false promise.
and it's me that i've been lying to.

----------------------------------------------------------------

just wait please
the best part is ahead
i have it planned out
so stop asking because it makes me so anxious
i'm trying so hard to zip my lips
trying real hard not to jump out of my socks
you'll find out soon enough
trust me please
i can't let the beast of its cage before its tamed

----------------------------------------------------------------

i finally realized why you cant force love
why most of the time loves a two mind entity
a two way road with no way right
and the only true feeling unforced
is up to pure chance for a single way sight

----------------------------------------------------------------

i poet.

with a pencil
and a feeling
i cant help to think
i am not too smart
for i cannot find the words to write
i do not have the vocabulary
and i am lacking
and yet i try because
words are meaningless
without meaning
and writing is meaningless
without feeling
and i begin to think
that i should begin to write

----------------------------------------------------------------

i wonder if the more i write,
the better the writing is.
i have noticed
my words have stopped rhyming,
and yet the sentences
have begun to flow.

----------------------------------------------------------------

and i don't think i will ever understand
so please explain
the heart beat missed when you pass me
that conclusion
is the farthest i have come to the beginning
and sadly
the closest i will ever be to the top

----------------------------------------------------------------

i'll hold on to the end
you said
and i believed you
forgetting that
you let go before
you ever told me so

----------------------------------------------------------------

hi
i am a poem
what are you

----------------------------------------------------------------

and we have already passed
seeing you so happy should make me feel
something other than this
it's something i cannot escape

and we have already passed
so slowly that i forgot to breathe
you with me that thing we cannot repeat
i can't believe i can't believe

----------------------------------------------------------------

solitude for once
a gentle song plays in my ear
i sing to myself
and feel so calm

----------------------------------------------------------------

i don't even know what we are playing
its like a stupid contest
to see who can be silent longest
and what does it prove

if this were the case i hope to lose
and yet
somehow i feel this is the way you feel too
ironically
both of us are afraid to lose
even though losing would be to win

----------------------------------------------------------------

i haven't felt so relaxed
in quite a while
but neglect hast without
you recur that action
again and again
beside me you know
no one really cares
and i can't let go
to see you fail
and that leaves us where

----------------------------------------------------------------

infatuation brings a dumb mask
blinding you from outside noise
ambient sounds of you and me
that truly ring for nobody

funny with no relationship
somehow it still hurts
discovering infatuation
is a piece of a curse

----------------------------------------------------------------

general adams commands the northern front
and stevens shields the southern fortress
they kill each other and both believe in victory
however they are fighting for the same cause

----------------------------------------------------------------

apologize.

you apologize to me
as if you did something wrong
and then you apologize again
for apologizing to me

id forgive you before
but not this time
please stop apologizing
i don't want to hear your excuses

----------------------------------------------------------------

i split a feeling smoothly,
so smoothly,
and a little bit gritty,
yet melodic.
ice cream no go but i want,
so sue me.
instead we'll settle for another,
but i don't.
walk and walk and walk some more,
aimlessly door to floor,
ending up,
so enclosed in lore.

----------------------------------------------------------------

end with you.

4am i woke up
thinking of you
wondering if you knew
my true feelings for you

but fate it seems
has made it impossible for you
to ever see
how much i care for you

but love work wonders
if that means anything to you
so maybe i'll wait
to be with you

----------------------------------------------------------------

garnished galapagos somewhat barren
ringing rampantly apart where i've been
so what constance
i'm not yet ready
but push me no shove me and ill stand valiantly

----------------------------------------------------------------

the mystic trails
and frost-burned forest
we travel without a compass
for we are all lost

----------------------------------------------------------------

you pretend you know
and say you are the one
you can move mountains
you can move minds

you can satisfy
you can complete me

but keep in mind
dig all you want
you won't strike oil
in the wrong places

----------------------------------------------------------------

and i stood there alone
watching
hoping you would notice
eventually

and i waited so very
patiently
waiting for you to see
me cry

and finally you spoke
so softly
and it's funny
i didn't feel so alone
anymore

----------------------------------------------------------------

cherish everything
relinquish anger
and agonize nothing
find peace
and yourself
and with faith
straighten out

----------------------------------------------------------------

i think i've been placing too much blame
just my personality i guess i pushed you away
and i stubbornly will not apologize
because
and just because
and now i sit here wishing it was easier
and i think back to that one morning
a hundred and who knows how long years ago
when i saw her coming out of the elevator
that moment we shared
burned forever in my mind
and never finding that until i spoke to you
and suddenly i felt comfortable
and she slipped from my memory replaced by you
and i was happy
so happy
but now i guess i fucked it up
maybe it's not too late but still
i guess it doesn't hurt to say i really miss you

----------------------------------------------------------------

a plate of hurt.

i refuse to heal your pain
and it kills me to look at you
feeling your pain
knowing i could and maybe should be the one
but i'm not thinking of you anymore
may you find what you are looking for
but don't look this way anymore
all you have done is brought me down

----------------------------------------------------------------

i'm addicted to a four letter word,
so much so i can find the first two letters,
in anyone just to pretend its you,
and it has been snowing ever since.

----------------------------------------------------------------

people gather and stare away,
the night that shines so aware,
plenty drinks for all to share,
and all i wanted was a single shot.

----------------------------------------------------------------

please carry me.

i remember a time eating sour candies until my tongue fell off lying comfortably in the arms of green watching blue and white trails figuring someday ill be reaching somewhere over there, ironically not wondering how ill get there but who else will be there. and finding out slowly that the hardest parts are the unfathomed advices that can be meticulously chosen or forgotten. eons ago it seems and yet truer than before a single worker ant may stand a chance amongst an army of fighters because we are not self jovial and not self jubilant, but discovering that maybe somehow all the flicker free high efficient learnings can stick. so please carry me for a little longer and i promise ill walk the rest with you on my back.

----------------------------------------------------------------

so the time comes and you question yourself.
your thoughts and intentions are unchallenged,
and yet
it seems insignificant.
you are ready,
and you smile
foolishly,
until the times comes past
and you're left with nothing but an unproductive memory,
a sense of should,
and the feeling you get when you realize
the person's tail you've been chasing all along is your own.

----------------------------------------------------------------

constantly i wonder
with what nebulous foreplay
i unwillingly play these games
over and over and over

i wonder
how smart this day shall be
if you want to see brighter days
open your eyes

i made my choice a long time ago
when i chose to lead
instead of follow
and now i am afraid
i know not where to go
where is bone guy

smile
and i will smile back
tell me a joke
and i will laugh

----------------------------------------------------------------

a heart felt lie
a truth forgotten
and pain subsides
rendered conscious only by
a hopeless lie
a dreamed fable
of uncanny fate
and everclear wonder

----------------------------------------------------------------

enchanted by the everglowingness of it all
a lone light glows by the window dusk
a light which stays on through the dark
giving walkers a dreary eye
in such desolate hour

only which has yet been discovered
a drask dimness that seeps frometh
for anciently alone it weeps
for anciently alone it waits

where would you come, from here on
through time has brought a mere drought
a dying wish that came from above
and alone a light that fuels but itself

----------------------------------------------------------------

we are two people traveling different directions,
our paths just seemed to cross for a moment,
and that's all there is.

----------------------------------------------------------------

one way.

i walk this one way road
backwards
because no one ever told me
until it was too late

and now i'm standing here
alone
watching people go by
together
and i don't know which way to go
cause i started at the end

and i missed the beginning

i miss the beginning

but one day i met you
walking
and maybe it was bad luck
or bad timing
or stupidity
i should of turned around

but i kept walking
the wrong way on the one-way
hoping that taking me to the beginning
will take me to you

and then maybe someday
i could be walking
the right way, the same way
with you

----------------------------------------------------------------

we make thousands of important decisions a day
and most of the time we don't even realize
everyday we get older
and most of the time we don't even realize

now is a word, someday is a choice

----------------------------------------------------------------

these days: a haiku.

the party ended.
now it's time to go home and,
hang up your jacket.

----------------------------------------------------------------

and it shines in, ever so slowly
that i forget.
another one has gone by,
and another has just begun.

i long for tomorrow yet
i wish for the past gone,
and i forgive you,
but i forget.

chose it wisely because
i am.
because,
i am.

----------------------------------------------------------------

fort.

and gather all the pillows
and squeeze them on the couch
lend me your hand
and help me build this fort

ill let you in i swear
scouts honor, so please
come and defend the fortress
because it falls so easily

pick up all the pillows
and stack them on again
no matter how many times it falls
no one will dare invade

----------------------------------------------------------------

watch me crumble.

i frolic in the grass.
and i
build tiny forts with buckets of youth,
and i
defend my castle with glory
of inspiration and devotion,

i am
fruitfully yours
and irrepressibly in denial,
so i say

i am not your undergarment.

----------------------------------------------------------------

starving for but a fruit
watching as the numbers click by
this is the closest to pausing
in real life as i’ve seen

forty seven six three five
numbers begin to blur
we are slowly owning
and sometimes you are too

----------------------------------------------------------------

untitled.

she was born on a leap year
her birthday never came so much
only every once in a while i'd see her smile
but most of the time, i'd only see her cry

you shouldn't have to be so sad
about something you didn't do
about something you can't control
just because it's true doesn't make it right

she says it hurts
and it hurts me too
more than she ever knew
i guess i never told her
we share the same birthday

----------------------------------------------------------------

reason.

so the thoughts form
but the words don't
a sequence of trials
and an outcome of what
some regal outstance
or some frugal demise
i don't know
both seem too familiar

accept that...
things happen for a reason
and that reason's not fate

----------------------------------------------------------------

look but don't watch,
seek but don't search.
you'll discover,
only when you begin looking.

----------------------------------------------------------------

it's sad to know the person who loves you most
isn't with you.
thinking about the past
i wonder if i could have done something different
but how could i do anything different
when all i did was for you

----------------------------------------------------------------

you keep the words in because
once there out, you can't take them back

regret follows hard and you wonder
if you should of risked it

where have you been all my life?
oh, there you are, with that dude.

----------------------------------------------------------------

the great ones always fall at some time, but it doesn't matter.
the others never even rise.

----------------------------------------------------------------

i gave up on you a long time ago

and now you're back
looking for a shoulder to cry on
looking for someone to say everything is ok

i'm sorry but this time it's not going to be me
i gave you your time
and i thought saying i gave up
was only a way for me to forget how i felt
but over time i started to mean it

and it'll never be the same
i hate myself for giving up
but it was you who pushed me away
you came around too late for love

and it hurts me to say this
but i gave up on you too long ago

----------------------------------------------------------------

so i took lessons at a school of love
just for you
and i brought you along
so we both could both learn something
and i grew up and you grew up
and we learned and shared and began to feel
without the fighting
but one day you didn't come to class
you skipped without me, you skipped me
and i sat there
alone
waiting for you
in hopes that you would come back
because the class is empty without you
and i cannot learn alone
and now, i sit here
waiting for time to bring you back

----------------------------------------------------------------

that night.

through the dark
i wandered towards the light
blinded
i wandered towards the sight
of you

and i wondered
and i prayed

maybe a bit of both
and as forward a step as i could
i took
i slowed

and i overheard voices
some sounds of he
with a pain of heart
i stopped

and wondered

----------------------------------------------------------------

the view you see is decided by you
for so many shield their eyes
in fear of the obstacles ahead
and the struggles they face
in the brightness of light

i will stand before it
and watch
and when the sun rises
i will see
and embrace it

and no doubt
no one knows what will happen
or where the future lies

but one thing i do know
is when the sun finally sets
i will still stand before it
and watch the beautiful sunset

----------------------------------------------------------------

and it rained.

and you cried
the tears flowed like a river
to the ocean

and it rained
and it hid your tears
and how stupid of me
i didn't notice

and i drowned.

and the storm came
and it rained
and it painfully poured
drowning the world
drowning me

and it rained.

----------------------------------------------------------------

as one who never fails to wonder
i plunder and ponder
what goes on inside

the sight of you that sings so high
is merely a sight
a sight for sore eyes

because even if the stars do shine
and a moonlit way lights divine
loving you is still
but a crime.

----------------------------------------------------------------

alone in the dark
a single lamp shines
i see your reflection
as you walk by

i fall through the sky
and visions of light
come crashing through
the frigid night

the look on your face
as you slowly walk past
your gentle smile, an image
that sinks and last

----------------------------------------------------------------

we made it through the rain.
we made it through the sleet and hail.
the thunder and lightning
we made it through the hurricanes
and tornados and earthquakes
and everything that would cripple most
the world would break around us
and we would still stay strong

that's what you said.

and now that the sun is out
you are nowhere to be found.

----------------------------------------------------------------

dream.

the wind, the earth, the sky,
a dream of my perfect world.
a dream i once had,
one that i could not hold.

a dream i can't forget,
a dream i miss dear,
a dream i can still feel,
one that won't disappear.

in this dream i felt,
a feeling felt by few,
if only we'd live in dreams,
i'd finally be with you.

----------------------------------------------------------------

free falling thoughts
land in my mind,
like a perfect raindrop
too easy to find.

so easy to find
yet impossible to understand,
lucidly dangerous
too hard to comprehend.

----------------------------------------------------------------

tomorrow.

days unturning as days unfold,
tomorrow comes and the truth is told.
where will we go?
where have we been?

the sun will rise,
the sun will set,
time becomes a stranger,
one we already met.

orchid tunes of vivacious dreams,
glistening goals that propel us through,
tomorrow comes and becomes today,
someday old, but today new.

----------------------------------------------------------------

math test.

little pencil, how you stand,,
twitling quickly on my outstretched hand.
where are the answers?
where have they gone?

i can't even do my best,
on a simple math test.

----------------------------------------------------------------

it's only when you choose life, that you get all life's choices.

----------------------------------------------------------------

THE WORLD I SEE.

saimese cats rule the world,
big red trees run around.
tables with three legs eat some clams.

this is my vision.
this is my world.

one will never learn if they
only see the blue sky
and the green, green grass.

it's the pink rocks, orange sky, and red tree,
that is what you have to learn to see.

----------------------------------------------------------------

i have reached the end of the rainbow
but there was no pot of gold
all there was, was a pile of shit
rank smelly shit under a blossom sky
there were also big black flies
buzzing around with big black smiles
smiling at the shit
smiling at me
i think i'll take a leak by that tree

----------------------------------------------------------------

someday i will change the world,
someday i will make you smile,
somehow i will make you see,
even if, only for a while.

----------------------------------------------------------------

people swim.

people swim in an ocean of air,
treading blindly in a sea of despair.
we swim into each other, but never know.
while some swim quick, others slow.

when will we realize what we truly are?
it doesn't matter if we swim real far.
it doesn't matter where we go,
it doesn't matter what we know.

what's important is how we swim,
that we swim to our personal hyme.
it's how we treat one another,
how our ripples effect each other.

----------------------------------------------------------------

run.

run. run away.
there's nothing left for you here.
run to a place you feel free.
a place you feel fine..
anywhere but here.

and if you make it out there,
by yourself,
all alone in this world.
then come back.
come back to me.
and tell me stories
of the race you ran.

----------------------------------------------------------------

burning melodies and silly songs
play lucidly in my frugal mind.
ranting rapidly and never slow,
repeating constantly, forever and more

----------------------------------------------------------------

fabled myths and treacherous beasts,
star-crossed lovers and jumping frogs,
color changing cats with chocolate eyes,
build an imagination that floats in time.

wicked monsters and sleeveless tees,
outie belly buttons with fungus lint,
sideways stances and richard simmons.
what the fuck kind of poem is this?

----------------------------------------------------------------

the yelling, the constant fights,
what i would give for an ounce of peace.
what i would do for a passive night.
how can i get the dispute to cease?

i can't take it, the pain.
from yelling at one you love,
that is all you ever gain.
will we ever learn and rise above?

----------------------------------------------------------------

i am now where i have been before
sitting here eating on the kitchen floor
why am i not at the table? am i crazy?
no, fuck that, i'm just lazy.

----------------------------------------------------------------

the music writes the songs that composers compose

----------------------------------------------------------------

the gloomy monday comes as so
to be torture as the day grows old
the skies are grey
the sun is gone
where could the day have gone?

so much work and so little time
this day upsets all weeks fair rhyme
how is this day?
how do i stay?
let me know when today has gone away.

----------------------------------------------------------------

is this me?

if i'm me,
and that's all i can be,
why do i regret the things i've said and done?
why do i feel like there is nothing worse than me?
how can this be?

if i'm me,
and i'm the best i can be,
why do i place last in every race i run?
why do people always laugh whenever i try?
i shouldn't cry.

if i'm me,
then why don't people see,
the inner beauty that everyone has.
the kindness that i try to show.
why don't they see me?

if i'm me.
my own self
my own being
what i be.
why do i feel this way?
so fake.

this cannot be.
this is not me.

----------------------------------------------------------------

i told you
i told you that i was sorry
i told you i was mad
i told you

but you didn't listen
you didn't care

i told you the things i was going to do
i told you how everything i did, i did for you
but you didn't listen
you didn't care

so i'm sorry for what i've done
but i told you before
i told you, i told you
and you didn't care

i bet you care now

----------------------------------------------------------------

the cure for boredom is curiosity. there is no cure for curiosity.

----------------------------------------------------------------